"I'm hoping this competition will be a springboard to relaunch my career. Now That's Tragic."
Paul Daniels

"My 10 point banker is the match between the slitty-eyes and the head-shrinkers."
Philip Battenburg, Corfu

"Competition by internet, my arse. I'd like to enter but Barb hasn't learnt to type yet."
Ricky Tomlinson, Lyme Regis

"I've got a feeling that I'm going to win this competition with a score of 480" (in French mind)
Nostradamus de Agincourt

"The family arguments caused by this competition should keep my radio show fed for another series"
John Peel, Radio 4 Disc Jockey

"Is the entry fee Tax-deductable?"
Ken Doddery

"I'm not really sure what I'm doing here, but at least I get away from Gareth....aaargh"
Tim, Slough

"Football should be played another way. It should be in the jungle, with 11 special forces from each side...."
Gareth Keenan, Slough

"YES! YES! EAT MY GOALS!! Argentina 4 - England 0.
That's 10 points to me and none to the rest of you. YES!!"
Alan Partridge, Radio Norwich