“I had to use the old "burning wee" line to get enough time to do my team research.”
Prince Philip, A&E Corridor, Westminster General

“I've got a really good expression prepared for when Spocky's final score gets revealed.”
Billy No Mates, High Chairs, Left Wing, Broad Street

"I used to kick coal around in the street with John Charles, Ryan Giggs and Maradonna. Enough said."
Tom Jones, High Chairs, Inside Right, Fraud Street

"Has this competition got a theme tune? I could monetise things by getting one of my non-entities to record something. 98%-2% should swing it."
Simon Cow, High Heels, Cat Street, Cheshire

"Thank goodness that's over. Now I can concentrate on getting the points that really matter."
Engle Bert Trautmann, Career-over-Now, Surely

"People don't really know but my album '19' was all about my failure at Euro 2008, and '21' was all about my failure at South Africa 2010. Don't expect '23' to be happy..."
Adele, Computer Street, St. Tottingham

"If I win this competition it truly will be a 'Wonder of the Universe', and I will really start grinning then."
Brian Cocks, Rent-A-Scientist, Smirk-upon-Telly

" 'ere Rosie, fill in my form will ya gal. The People's Choice ain't no good on a computer."
Arry Redflap, Sandbanks Tax Haven, Dorset

"Woof. Fill it in yourself, Daniel Levy gives me steak now. God, I'm beginning to look more like you every day."
Witness R, The High Court, Fifth Amendment