“What I would simply say to you is, Good Luck in the competition. Now I believe it's Lancelot, and set of balls number 3.”
Damon Blur

"Me and Finchy are well up for this one. It's good for office morale, and will really show them who's boss when we win."
David Brent, Slough

"Football's well wicked. I can get bit blokey though, and Jools gets the back of me hand if we lose."
Jamie Cauliflower, Brighton Beach

"Which group are St Helens playing in then?"
Jonny Vegas, Carshalton Beeches

"Da Competition will be massif in Staines. Even Shaggy and MeJulie is 'aving a go, discussing tactics together upstairs all night long."
Alistair G, Eton

"Aristotle once said that football was the tobacco of the proles. With me to discuss this prognosis is myself" (etc etc etc....)
Vic Inhaler, Barnsley

"I will be hovering directly over the Internet in my sonic helicopter throughout June to ensure I win this competition."
Urine Smeller, Zog

"It's the Daddy of all Competitions..."
Ray Win-some, Sarf London

"Eamon will be insufferable if he wins this competition. Please someone beat him."
Fyona Phillips, TVAM