"Hi Angela..... No, no, I'm not asking you out again, this is purely professional..... The thing is, we've got to beat Transport and the minister wants to know how many your Sport's Desk think Iran will get v Angola."
Ollie Reeder, Thismaymeannothingtoyou House, Thick Street

"When I say 'Fool' you will feel compelled to buy the Guardian newspaper with its 100 page World Cup Special Supplement."
Derren Brown, Mind Controller, Nasty Street

"All that urine drinking. First he goes mad and now look what's happening. Aaargh!!"
Enlightened Bystander, Exiting-at-Speed, Freaksville Freeway

"1-0, 0-1, 0-1, 1-1, 0-1, 0-0...."
Sir Clive Sinclair, Computer Daddy
Spectrum Cottage, Whereaminow, Logic-Shire

"I really can't think of any numbers."
Mr J Ball (Timed-out), Mathshire

"I would enter but I haven't learned to count yet. Anyone for tig?"
Master T. Walcott (aged 3), Highbury Grange Montessori

"Tried to enter Germany 0, Costa Rica 54 but Computer says 'No'."
Carol Beer, Customer Focus Group, AnyCo, UK

"The Guardian's 100 page World Cup Special Supplement - Nice."
Louis Balfour, Jazz Club, Fast Street

"We have heard that even you British have predicted us to do well in a Battleship sinking competition. This will greatly improve our morale and hasten the German victory."
U-Boat Commander, Donttellthem Pike, Walmington-on-Sea