World Cup 2006 Competition
Breaking News

This little page is reserved for Breaking News and Comment on the competition as and when my enthusiasm comes:

2nd May: Web Site opened for Beta Testing.

20th May: Some Celebrity comments received and posted up.

21st May: Formal Competition Launch.

22nd May: First entry received. For the record, a pessimistic Scouser forecasting England's demise in the first round. Cheery public email thread circulates.

23rd May: Three more entries received. Cheery public email thread turns nasty. Organiser's misgivings grow.

25th May: England 1 - 2 Belarus. Liverpudlean smirk grows. First entry in the Anagram competition received, and a surprisingly high standard is set.

29th May: More Celebrity Comment received, some posted up.

30th May: England 3 - 1 Hungary. There'll be worried brows on Merseyside following a good England victory. Critics of Peter Crouch who want to see him score more goals are forced to re-assess their views following his ludicrous "Robotic Dance" goal celebration.

31st May: Shows what I know, the world's gone crazy for the Crouch Vogue. This summer embarrassing Uncles will be honing their skills at Weddings across the nation.

1st June: Would you believe it, more Celebrity Comment received, and some even posted up.

3rd June: England 6 - 0 Jamaica. More "Worry on the Wirral" following a fine display from surprise package Peter Crouch, really perfecting his cybernetic samba with its new-found "By Royal Appointment" status. What will those foreign commentators make of it all?

5th June: Serial nutter Uri Geller crops up on national radio and organises a "mass concentration" amongst the listenership to "will" Rooney's foot to recover. Apparently this is to help us win the World Cup. Why all this mental effort isn't simply put into willing England to win the World Cup directly, cutting out the middle man, isn't made clear.

7th June: Rooney's scan comes through and the MUFC replacement team doctor, despite copious "stiffening" from Sir Alex "King Canute" Ferguson, is able to show only token defiance to the national clamour. The best he can do is divert it to the third umpire, and Rooney's in!

Picture the scene in the Ferguson front room: It's July 9th and Wayne Rooney has just scored a hatrick in a famous 3-2 victory over Brazil to win England the World Cup. In the post match frolics he drops the Golden Goblet on his 4th Metatarsal and is ruled out until Christmas. "Think I'll just pop out to the shops dear" says Mrs F......

8th June: Sven makes clear his intent to use Rooney against the Viking foot-stampers should it be necessary, citing the interests of 40 million England fans. Sir Alex is only restrained by his tethered choke chain from taking them all on at once.

The competition entries are posted up! (well almost all, we're just pending a late Clayton-family surge). Let battle commence.......

9th June: We're off! Germany coast it but Ecuador upset the collective apple-cart and there are no ten-pointers at all. Pathetic. Widespread pleasure at seeing Spockie adopting his traditional location in the league table somewhat tempered personally.

10th June: England cling on for a dodgy victory despite the second half display of the Paraguayans, urged on by a greasy foreign referee. Many hype-resistant players get their first "Red 10s" on the board. T&Ts hard-fought draw against the Swedes was correctly foreseen by just two inspired veteran campaigners, Julie Perkins and Mike Walshe - cream beginning to rise?

It seems to be a young man's game now with Chris Herbert and Tom Sleath joined in second place by player of the day Tom Clayton with his two 10s and a total haul of 22 points, but still up front is the only pairing in the competition, Ian & Claire Woodland. Worry not - should their success continue to the end their points will of course be split between them. There might also have to be 60 other such technicalities raised as the personal nightmare continues.

11th June: More ludicrous results totally out of line with the Guardians 100 page World Cup Special Supplement. Yesterday's best haul of 22 points is now a mere bagatelle as David Jackson, Judith Bell, Chris Herbert, Wally West, Mike Walshe, Lee Henderson as well as our two-headed hydra "I&C Woodland" match the feat.

12th June: Play of the day by Ian Maylin and Graham Clayton who held their nerve to correctly predict the three Australian goals in the last 8 minutes, Ray Charlton's celebratory jig over news of Cahill's equalizer being mercifully cut short by news of Cahill's second. In the evening kick-off the Italian team overcome the problem of unsightly underarm sweat rings appearing in the second half by having them built into their shirt design from kick-off. Schoolboy defensive error gifts them a second, leaving a Burgess trio at the bottom of the table, the little ones really putting into practise those skills drilled on the training ground. Poor discipline shown by Mrs B allows her to make a break for mid-table obscurity. Ed Sleath claims the day's only 22 point haul, firmly planting his Watford flag in 27th position. At the business end, it's as you were with I&C being closely tracked by Herbert Junior.

Yet more Celebrity Comment received and posted up here. Special thanks to Matt Micale who is apparently like this with Carol Beer. If you too happen to be on gossiping terms with any celebrities, please feel free to let me know their pearls of wisdom.

13th June: A tremendous day's luck for Ian Maylin, his 26 points catapulting him from 10th to 1st place, knocking the Woodland duo off that coveted spot for the first time. Dave Beale is equally impressive in his own way, being unable to muster a single point all day. It's generally a volatile day with big winners such as SciTech's finest David Jackson, Steve Bell, Malcolm Clayton and Silvertech raider John Irwin all moving up the ranks. Unfortunately this volatility doesn't extend to the bottom of the table. Spockie, so often a subject for these commentaries, is revelling in his current anonymity and if we were being fair we'd have to say he's been really unlucky and deserves better. But we're not.

14th June: Germans get a late winner - do your own analysis.

15th June: England get a late winner, Peter Crouch's hair-pull assisted goal proving he has a future beyond football in bell ringing. I&C Woodland prove again that two heads are better than one with a glorious 26 points re-gaining top spot from the three temporary pretenders. New force Kevin Abbott also grabs 26 to rise to joint 3rd, with Mark Burgess the main casualty, catching the family bug and falling 19 positions with a measly 6 points. New table information available means I'm just repeating the evident.

18th June: Tremendous effort from Mike Walshe with Sunday's "Perfect 30" springing him into the lead. In fact it's 40 out of 40 for this Midlands thoroughbred, just how will I&C respond? At the bottom - it's Dave Beale.

19th June: It's the half way stage and things are really hotting up. Long term leaders I&C respond to losing the lead yesterday by catching a crab and falling further, proving again that too many cooks spoil the broth. Winner of the day is Graham Clayton whose 26 points allow him to leap frog twin, and Forest Green's finest, Malcolm (10pts) along with 14 others. Biggest loser of the day is SciTech challenger Andrew Kester, who has recently fallen away inexplicably, rather like a Robert Pires "Foul Anticipation". At the top it's consolidation from the Midlands thoroughbred, with "Pride of the South" Tom Clayton taking up the challenge. Lower down, just 22 points separate 37 middle lane hoggers so there's many a bragging right still to play for.

20th June: Tom Clayton takes up the lead as Mike Walshe rests on his laurels. Futher down it's Bill Gearing and Spockie (yes Spockie) who are the day's joint winners with a tremendous 32pts - there are now some worried brows amongst the LSF contingent.

21st June: Three days ago he was languishing in 30th, but now it's all smiles in Horsham as Graham "Competitive Dad" Clayton storms up to second place with a superb 36pts to challenge young Tom. One fears for medium-term Clayton family harmony. Other potential family crises are pending for the Irwins, with Ellie & Kate locked together in 5th, and the Sleaths where a ruthless battle to avoid the family wooden spoon is simmering nicely. Amongst all the joy, do spare a thought for Lee Henderson who failed to gain a single point all day. I'm sure there's a parallel Universe somewhere where another Lee Henderson got 40pts with those self same predictions. Makes you think eh? In the SciTech Stakes it's still long-term leader David Jackson causing me to regret sending out that competition entry reminder email, with the Big Belgium Bucks currently heading to Barry Edwards.

22nd June: Another good day for "Competitive Son" Tom Clayton, but play of the day was by Sue Overend whose 28 points lifts her comfortably into the lead in the SciTech Stakes as David Jackson stumbles. There's something of a recovery by former pace-setters I&C and Ellie Irwin breaks from sister Kate (possible use of Peter Crouch-style hair pulling tactics is being investigated). Also lurking just off the pace is Australian entrant (and competition veteran) Matt Micale, no doubt celebrating Graham Poll's refereeing performance, and Kevin Abbott who's still in the mix. Lower down the table, Lee Henderson manages to leap dimensions and turn in a creditable 24 points, as do Belgium money-grabbers Ray Charlton and Rebecca David. Indeed it's hotting up all over the table, er, except at the bottom.

23rd June: The realisation that family Wooden Spoons are soon to be there for the taking seems to have spurred on Watford's Finest (Ed Sleath) and Ulster's Ultimate (Andrew Maylin) to an outstanding 36 points each and elevation to the upper edge of the competition tittering region. Near the top the big mover is Adam Carter, timing his run for a podium finish but there's still work to do as the top three are unchanged. Lower down the interesting sub-plot involves Spockie, or more precisely the desperate struggle to get North of him and avoid the consequential ignominy (not a situation many have ever faced before) - we'll watch this one closely as we move into the final third of the competition. And, in case you're wondering, that final third is set to be even more luck-based than the earlier matches because no doubt most of the predictions submitted are based on the wrong teams. If you need to be reminded of what happens now go section 2) of the Serious page, but essentially we just plod on down the match list.

24th June: As we enter the knock-out phase there are fewer points to be had, and even fewer deserved ones. What is quite surprising is that joint "Players of the Day" Dave Carter and Mike Walshe not only scored the maximum 20 points but had also forecast the correct match protagonists, so credit where credit's due. Meanwhile, Spockie got 12 points. Four people drew a blank for the day (you know who you are); expect plenty more in that particular hall of shame in the coming days.

25th June: Four joint top scorers today with Adam Carter, Kate Irwin & Ian Maylin each rising 2 positions for their 16 points, whereas Judith Bell rises 12 places for the same score - where's the justice in that? However, the thing the day is most notable for is not David Beckham's England face-saver but the fact that Phyl Jelinek becomes the last person to break their duck in the "Red 10" stakes. The fact that she thought England were playing Poland clearly paid off, but as the England apologists will tell you it's the results that matter. At the top the Clayton dominance is threatened by a resurgent Midlands thoroughbred but time is beginning to run out for those in 62nd place to make their move. Two more for the hall of shame.

26th June: It's another 20 points to Mike Walshe (in fact it's an incredible six Red 10's out of seven now) and this means he moves into a share of the lead with Tom Clayton. A slight scoring cock-up since the second phase started is uncovered and corrected (apologies to Kevin West whose scores weren't entered hence he was scoring zero); he gleefully claims his rightful 53rd position. Another two for the hall of shame.

27th June: A lacklustre day generally with few Red 10's to be had amid the general carnage & confusion about who was playing whom. Mike Walshe's visionary break from the pack predicting Ghana to beat Brazil is justly rewarded with a zero (he thought it would be Italy not Ghana doing the work, but that's the game). However France (not South Korea) do the dirty work for him against Spain and it's into the lead, deserved or not. Kevin Abbott is the day's top scorer with 14 points, pulling clear from Terry Bennett in the Head/Montrachet/Line Design stakes, just one of the many intriguing sub-plots going on. A couple more for the hall of shame; Mrs B (I fear it's all too late though) and Ian Didsbury now "Crying in Crosby" due to England's unexpected stay in the Fatherland.

At last a couple of days off from all this football nonsense - with all this time on your hands, don't forget the Anagram competition (look at The Scam for details) for your chance to win the mystery prize (I can't give too much away, but last time it was a car). There's been a low turn-out to date, so it's all up for grabs.

30th June: Matthew Burgess deserves praise for his day's top score of 16 points, moving up 6 places to 14th. But what's this, Spockie is on the charge too and it's into the top 10 and only 6 points behind Terry Bennett in the LSF stakes. Thirty years of hurt about to be exorcised, it must bode well for England. Five into the HOS.

1st July: Depression. Blame myself for offending the footballing Gods by ordering an engraver for the 9th July following Argentina's demise yesterday. Depression further compounded by Mrs B getting a perfect 20, the only saving grace being that she'll never know because she won't be looking at the website again in case there are any pictures of Christiano Ronaldo (not flavour of the month). Mike Walshe just won't give up will he, showing the outright lead to Tom Clayton yesterday and then whipping it away again today like Zinedine Zidane with an official FIFA ball. A record 17 people for the HOS as the random element of the second phase really starts to kick in. There's excuses to be had for everyone now.

4th July: Depression. Spockie takes advantage of an unlikely 2-0 Italian gate-crash to draw level with Terry Bennett in 10th. Quiet satisfaction in Hemel Hempstead? If only. It's getting a bit cosy in the Hall of Shame with 38 more players squeezing in today.

8th July: The lead changes back once more to Mike Walshe who puts in a 6 point performance, unanswered by Tom Clayton in the Titanic game of hyperspace leap-frog being played out. These two prize fighters know little of each other, but the mutual respect is clearly evident. Word has it that in true Corinthian spirit, Mr Walshe has offered to hold hands with young Tom as they cross the finish line, like those blokes in that first London Marathon whose names are long forgotten because neither was sneaky enough to accidentally "trip" forward as the line approached. What a gesture of sportsmanship that would be. And good for the rest of us too as there'd be a competition Roll-over to South Africa 2010, where, dare I suggest, the rest of us nobble those two smart-arses early doors.

Some people are on the pitch........ They think it's all over.

“Tell you what Clive, Sven's got it all wrong. At the back it should be Ashley Cole, Sol Campbell, Marcel Desailly (English Grandmother) & Viv Anderson, he can still do a job you know. Middle of the park it's got to be Paul Ince & Carlton Palmer with John Barnes and Laurie Cunningham on the wings providing the bullets for Big Les Ferdinand and Big Cyrille Regis.
In Goal - Paul Parker.
Let me back on the Telly”
Rong Atkinson, Coventry

Crouching Tiger -
Hidden Robot

Also Available in Red

Rooney Performs the Traditional Metarsal Recovery Celebration

"Hey, don't I get a say in this? Don't send me out there. Sir Alex promised me I could spend the summer in a night club."

The match was so gripping that nobody seemed to notice the Martian scouting mission....

Andrea Pirlo - Sure didn't let Italy down

"Ugh! So unfair... How come he doesn't have to wash?"

Sven is pleased with news of Germany's late winner that nets him 10 Points

A Fly takes a look at the England action

Sir Alex blows a gasket

Edwin van der Sar acknowledges the applause for his "Red 10" nil-nil prediction against Argentina

Following his brace against Japan, Ronaldo spots secret helper "Madam Dawes" in the crowd

"I really need the 10 points so I'm going to make this Australia 2 Croatia 2 if it's the last thing I do. Oh, it is."
Graham Poll, Stuttgart Airport

After scoring his wonder free kick, David Beckenham remembers he'd got the match down for a nil-nil draw