World Cup 2022 Competition
Breaking News

7th Nov: Website updated. This doesn't seem right, it's dark outside.

8th Nov: Sepp Blatter really gets everyone scratching their heads with his cheery non-endorsement of the upcoming festive feast of football, saying it should never have been happening in Qatar. Well it's a bit late now.

11th Nov: Competition Launch.... And after much consideration this year's focus groups have come up with the following phrase for the anagram competition, that traditional solace away from all the boring football. This year's phrase:

"Which fool thinks Southgate’s boys are a good Qatar expectorant?"

11th Nov + 8 hours and 41 mins: First entry received back from regular competition early-bird Martin Foster putting the rest of the field to shame and simultaneously proving that all this home working really is more efficient for productivity. No anagram though, Martin. Tch.

15th Nov: A smattering of interest is starting to develop but it's clear that Matt Hancock's anatomical eating exploits have diverted the attention of many of the more cerebral prediction enthusiasts. It's a tough market place.

16th Nov: Just as I was beginning to wonder if the anagram competition had run its natural course and was destined to become a damp unattended squib, a squib best left to sink gently and unremarked-upon beneath the waves (assuming squibs do sink), to be covered in some kind of internet silt for eons until perhaps a chance rediscovery by an internet archaeologist many years hence leading to the eventual rightful appreciation of all those who have ever entered anagrams down the years, deep breath, all this was being wondered when up pops none other than Euro 20/21 (never was sure) anagram enthusiast Lee Henderson to prove me wrong with an enthusiastic first wordy-word-play return. And what a first wordy-word-play return it is:

Gag? A phat Scottish cowboy hoofed Quorn steak is no real foody threat x

With no M available to form "Deep Fried Mars Bar" this is as good an examination of Celtic eating habits as the competition is ever going to get. Commendable.

17th Nov: FRAIN BREAKS COVER! Yes! Mr Dependable Michael Frain announces his conscientious objection to the number element of the competition but just can't help himself when it comes to all those letters. Unaware that he'd been beaten to the first entry by Lee "Amundsen" Henderson, Michael "Scott" (for the purposes of the analogy) Frain plants his flagpole straight into FIFA's solar plexus with this excoriating topical observation:

I question host on loot; tax; tragedy of cheap workers. Hashtag: cab!

A fantastic opener that Sepp Blatter can really put in his pipe and smoke. Following on from Lee's opener, how will the rest of the field respond now?

"Giving the World Cup to Qatar was a massive mistake. The bribes should have been much bigger."

19th Nov: Despite the general negativity the number of competition entrants is boosted by the impending cut-off date with a few perennial top performers out to tread the prediction boards again. Speaking of perennial top performers, Lee Henderson unleashes his quill once more with another impressive salvo, a premonition full of foreboding:

Boro Gareth quit soon, as expected footy’s shit, ha, watch rank goal

Let's hope against hope that Lee's tea leaves have got it wrong this year. If you drink tea, get your anagram in too for a place in the lexicographer's hall of fame.

Day 1, 20th Nov: Qatar 0-2 Ecuador Day 1 Table

Finally some actual football to divert us from the antics of the football administrators. The opening ceremony featured Morgan Freeman trying his level best, but at times looking as uncomfortable as he did when he suddenly found himself in civvy street after 40 years in the Shawshank chokey. When the opening footballing "spectacle" of Qatar vs Ecuador finally got under way it was clear that Qatar had failed to grasp the concept that actual Qataris would have to do the leg-work this time, and that even FIFA under this lot wouldn't be able to turn a blind eye to some suitably-skilled migrant workers being wheeled in for the home side. Thus Qatar meekly subsided 0-2 but not before numerous flowing gowns in the stadium had, er, already flown.

But forget all the boring football, what of our competition I hear you ask! Well it's a good job you did. A total of 70 prediction enthusiasts have put in the hard yards, returned their forms and been allocated their stable-mates for the much-underrated team-game aspect. This year we have three competition newbies, each blinking in the spotlight like debs at a coming-out ball - welcome - and they have been placed together in the "New Faces" team. And what team it turns out to be! Three people of disparate backgrounds all independently predicting the correct 0-2 score in the first game, leaving many a hardened professional gasping. You couldn't make it up. Of course it's a marathon not a sprint etc, but this band of brigands is I suspect really one to watch. Also ones to watch, The Clayton Clan have caught a crab and, as we go to press, are languishing in last place. Moving on, and tomorrow both England and Wales actually take to the football field which marks the end of the phoney war. Hopefully.

Day 2, 21st Nov: Senegal 0-2 Netherlands, England 6-2 Iran, USA 1-1 Wales Day 2 Table

The day starts with three late entrants requesting to join the prediction fray, each a slightly more panicked version of that 1950s bus driver who saw Tower Bridge opening in front of him and chose to put the hammer down and jump rather than to obey basic traffic rules; like their hero each late-comer was clearly determined to make it back to the competition garage in time for a cup of competition tea without taking no for an answer. Pity was temporarily taken as they faced their respective local-paper cub-reporters, but punctual predictors can rest assured that should any of these dilatants start threatening the top fifty when we reach the knock-out phases then the competition small print will be well and truly deployed. To the footballing action now, and the main focus of interest was on whether or not Harry Kane would wear "the armband" with assorted media hard men from Roy Keane to Jamie Carragher advertising the road they'd travelled by insisting it would be well worth an instant FIFA-mandated booking for the skipper lest we "look weak". In the event the "would he, wouldn't he" conundrum solved itself because Harry, bless him, had accidentally left the thing locked in his hotel safe and so the referee's notebook went unopened.

To the actual ball-kicking and England surprised many by letting in two goals but still ending up as the winningest team courtesy of, let's not be churlish, a reasonably good performance against Iran. With the Welsh pulling it out of the fire thanks to Gareth Bale's late penalty against the yanks it was happy home-nation days all round, but do spare a thought for Senegal, the late late Dutch-doubler proving a coupon-buster for Henry Bennett but welcomed by 23 others all hitherto suffering from "squeaky bum time" before earning their well deserved "Red Tens" (Red Twelves actually but as we've previously established we're sticking with the phrase). We're not sure exactly what happened to the 23 respective pairs of underpants after Klaassen netted in 90+9', that's probably best not speculated upon. Either way Day 2 ends with Sam Thompson and Louis Maylin atop the competition table with Liam Pattison back in the changing room and throwing up, probably due to nerves.

But wait! No sooner has the dust settled on England's performance than Lee Henderson is across it with this instant review of proceedings and the post-match presser:

Flashback! Six - Two, in the heat, crap or good? Quotes a snooty Gareth

Absolutely fantastic stuff Lee! I'll wager that raised bar is a wordy red rag to the likes of Michael Frain, what this space.

Day 3, 22nd Nov: Argentina 1-2 Saudi Arabia, Denmark 0-0 Tunisia, Mexico 0-0 Poland, France 4-1 Australia Day 3 Table

The footballing world is rocked by Saudi Arabia's plucky 2-1 triumph over pre-tournament Paddy Power favourites Argentina who seemed to make a right Messi of things after taking an early lead, much to the joy of the Arabic (today) Gianni Infantino. This result provides the biggest World Cup shock since, well, the USA beat England 1-0 in 1950 in the Belo Horizonte "Miracle on Green" - that being a result which we know would never happen again were they to play on for another 71 years. Competition points were thin on the ground as a result of the Argentinian humbling with only Jenny Burgess predicting anything other than a Saudi drubbing (you don't count Malcom) but let's face it her 1-1 prophecy was chosen primarily to make the numbers in the list look neat and tidy while she was "showing support". If only she had had the courage of her 2-1 convictions she would have spent the evening giving interviews at Broadcasting House ahead of that Squid, having been carried there on a sedan chair all the way from Guildford; as it is she's in the front room watching telly. The drab follow-up goalless affairs between Denmark & Tunisia and Mexico & Poland do little to up the daily aggregate points haul, before France have an early stutter against the Aussies, a stutter that has long-time antipodean competition stalwart Matt Micale's heart temporarily racing before the stars un-aligned themselves and the French run in four of their own providing a Red Fifteen (oops I've done it now) for competition visionaries Ian Maylin, George Geaves and Martin "First-in" Foster. Said George Geaves is indeed the big beneficiary of the day's unexpected (by others) turn of events, netting a cool 27 points and a healthy 38 place rise to the heady heights of 20th. Other big competition beasts laying down a marker include Euro 20/21 (never was sure) Runner-up Joe Glackin and Euro 20/21 (never was sure) Bronze Medallist Steve Melton, both proving that Dream Topping really does rise with their 22 points-a-piece. At the other end of the spectrum, Ian Macfarlane's 2 points on the day, and this only courtesy of Tunisia's failure to find the net, means a 10-place plunge to the foot of the table to join Richard Scorer who, might I suggest, should probably be thinking seriously about raising a deed-pole request.

In the much-underrated team-game aspect, it's The Maylin Mail-ins who finally manage to knock The New Faces off of their jealously-guarded top spot, as well as the smirks off of their jealously-guarded faces, in large part due to new compo leader Ian and 4th-placed Louis, although there's clearly a cyan Mail-in weak-link there to be exploited. Just saying.

To matters of the letter, and it doesn't take Michael Frain long to start the fightback with this diary entry of a befuddled retired thespian taking in the full Qatari World Cup experience:

Albert Quack, wealthy expat actor, forgot boots, got sand in his toes

Albert Quack indeed. You met him here first.

Day 4, 23rd Nov: Morocco 0-0 Croatia, Germany 1-2 Japan, Spain 7-0 Costa Rica, Belgium 1-0 Canada Day 4 Table

Another incredible day in the World Cup that just keeps on giving - unless you happen to be asking the barman for a pint of Budweiser that is - with the once-mighty Germany humbled 2-1 by plucky Japan, the Japanese victory a complete surprise to all except for competition luminaries Martin "First-in" Foster and Ian Macfarlane who both called the right result against the prevailing tide... but alas not well enough to earn any red ink. With this and seven-goal Spain showing England how it's really done at the expense of hapless Costa Rica it was a day of generally moderate competition point scoring, Steve Melton's 24 point return to form earning him an 18 place shimmy up the table. Andrew Hammond's day could have been oh so much better had his 7-0 victory prediction been for Spain instead of Germany; instead of cosying up to a cool 17 points he is instead now cosying up to the competition accolade for the most wrong result. At the top of proceedings it's now Louis Maylin and one-to-watch Jon Gregory - more on him another day.

Elsewhere, and we may only just have heard of Albert Quack, the befuddled retired thespian, but Michael Frain says that in fact he still gets around quite a lot and was indeed present at the Saudi Arabia vs Argentina game yesterday, from whence he apparently sent an on-the-spot text report of the famous upset to his old mate from their Donmar Warehouse days together, Edward Fox:

A. Quack wrote, “Holy shit Ted! Hot-shot Arabs fox Argie Tango Ponces

Please don't laugh. Alas I think we might have been here before. The use of inappropriate and frankly crass language in the safe space of the anagram competition is deplored and condemned by every right-thinking prediction enthusiast, and possibly some wrong-thinking ones too. The use of such language in an anagram, however funny, would of course normally lead to its instant advancement to the cutting room floor without passing Go and future disqualification for the author. However on this occasion the judges have considered all the mitigating circumstances and decided to show some leniency. It is recognised for example that Albert is a simple soul, a soul shaped by the morals and standards of his formative period, those cruel 1950s. Albert is but an unwitting product of those unenlightened times, shaped by the overt bigotry and prejudice expressed at every turn in the "polite society" into which he and his silver spoon were born. This, and being contemporaneously at RADA with the likes of Kenneth Williams, Rock Hudson, Derek Jacobi, Liberace, Charles Hawtrey, Simon Callow and Johnny Weismuller, as well as having appeared in Panto with Donald Sinden, Christopher Biggins and Lionel Blair was bound, the judges accept, to have left its mark in terms of the vernacular that Mr Quack might still deem acceptable to use today. But if Roy Keane and Jamie Carragher can make that journey then with a little carrot and stick encouragement from us so jolly well can one Albert Quack. Thus it behoves upon us all to just be kind and to recognise Albert for what he is. A victim. A victim of a morally-disadvantaged up-bringing. A victim of tremendous wealth. A victim that we should pity, albeit that pity being inevitably laced with disgust. I am pleased to say that after an open and frank conversation on the subject Mr Quack has shown due understanding and remorse for his conduct hitherto, and has indeed promised henceforth never to use the anagram competition ever again for any kind of advertising product placement. Thus the matter is now considered closed.

Day 5, 24th Nov: Switzerland 1-0 Cameroon, Uruguay 0-0 South Korea, Portugal 3-2 Ghana, Brazil 2-0 Serbia Day 5 Table

Pretty drab fare on the footballing front today if truth be told. The one decent talking point would have been a Ghanaian late equaliser against the Ronaldo XI in the 10th minute of "over-time" courtesy of a Pantomime "Behind You" moment reminiscent of Albert Quack and David Hasselhoff's peerless comedic timing in Aladdin at the Scarborough Playhouse in 1982. The goalie (Hasselhoff for the purposes of the analogy) dropped the ball down ready to hoof it clear totally unaware that the striker (Quack) was lurking ten yards behind him on the goal line for just such an occurrence. Quack's trick had worked like a dream but his pounce to take the ball and roll it into the net was a little too exuberant and he stacked it at the crucial moment, his place in history replaced by a place in the "What happened next" round on A Question of Sport if it's still going in five years' time, which of course it will be, Sue Barker or no.

The disappointment of not seeing Ronaldo's face had things come to pass aside, our competition action was assisted by the day's vaguely plausible set of results meaning decent points scoring for some at least, in particular the Ant Twerps main goal threat Carl Van Gysel who nearly got a name-check for his exploits yesterday, and who has really cleared his throat today with a creditable 31 insistent points and a rise to second place behind new leader Martin "First-in" Foster. Up in to third place and already at the limit of her ambitions it's Karen "Brother of Sean" Connerney with a cool day-tally of 30 points. And what's this? Even Ian Macfarlane, he of Mike & Ian fame, is riding the wave, more than doubling his score and Red-Tenning it off the bottom of the table, passing that dubious baton to Andy Mallett of the Broken Lifters. Well who'd have guessed it?

"At least I never said I felt Cockney."

"I really want to wear the Rainbow Armband. Zippy was my favourite."

Well that's 90+4' of our collective lives we'll never get back. Dreadful footballing fare pretty much from start to finish the only entertaining facet being that it was prefaced with the usual hype about how good the England players are. On 68mins and with a real change needed the camera cut to the bench where Gareth Southgate had his arm clenched round a shin-padded Jordan Henderson earnestly imparting final instructions on we know not what - one assumes it wasn't about how to beat five players and get to the by-line because it's all a bit late for that now as far as Jordan is concerned. I couldn't even bring myself to watch the post-match "analysis" although seeing the assembled footballing luminaries roll back on their previous utterances would at least have had some amusement value, but that paint wasn't going to watch itself dry. Mind you, I guess the Welsh might have taken it as they went one better and subsided completely following Wayne Hennessey's entertaining late foray outside the box that ended in a result of which even the great Mick McManus would have been proud.

To the competition real, and CVG's momentum sees him up into top spot but the real mover is New Face Richard Collins who, despite showing a little too much faith in Wales, managed to accumulate 26 points and a rise to third spot. Other big winners on the day were competition veteran and Broken Lifter Stuart McDonald (he of 3rd place in the inaugural Euro 96 competition), Seven of Diamonds! support act Mark Akhurst and Kieran Small of Ray's Ragbag fame (also a New Face this year as it happens but we don't have the tech for that).

Elsewhere, and the hot news is that Malcom "1-1" Clayton has broken the Frain-Henderson anagram duopoly with this searing protest statement about Qatar, full of moral rectitude and fibre.

Ok to go? Oh if a taboo closed queer sex rights, shan't watch any part

Brilliant stuff Malc! If only I'd had such moral rectitude and fibre I might have saved myself 90+4', but we live and learn. Well done and welcome to the wordy, if not the footballing, fray - your public expects now.

Day 7, 26th Nov: Tunisia 0-1 Australia, Poland 2-0 Saudi Arabia, France 2-1 Denmark, Argentina 2-0 Mexico Day 7 Table

A day of high soccer excitement started with unalloyed joy for the Socceroos (but slightly more alloyed joy for local Southern Hemisphere correspondent Matt Micale who had it down as 0-0), the day continuing with Robert Lewandowski and Lionel Messi coming to their respective 2-0 parties either side of Denmark's ultimate capitulation to Kylian Mbappé who got a French brace, a term which sounds like a euphemism but which I can assure you Google has cleared for use.

But enough of this, the hot competition news is that John Irwin has had a perfect competition day with all four scores predicted correctly for a tidy 48 points! I'm pretty sure hasn't been done before - certainly not in the Premiership era - fantastic work indeed! If only he hadn't been hitherto phoning in performances he could have been home and hosed; as it is he's just about sneaked into the top 10. Up above and Sam no-slouch Thompson gets three red tens of his own and a 39 point boost to the top spot, with 37 points plundered by both Andy Grenville and, get this, Richard Scorer who may not need to be visiting the Register Office after all. Spare a thought for Stijn Stengele who thought his 36 points would be talk of the town but instead just about warrants a bit of space filling at the end of a clumsy paragraph.

Day 8, 27th Nov: Japan 0-1 Costa Rica, Belgium 0-2 Morocco, Croatia 4-1 Canada, Spain 1-1 Germany Day 8 Table

Coasta Rica bounce back from their 7-0 Spanish holiday to beat Japan and this, together with a late German hefty-hoofed equaliser, serves to throw Group E into a mathematical maelstrom. Meanwhile in Group F Croatia crush Canada whilst Morocco's defeat of Belgium elicits collective cries of anguish from the Ant Twerps but brings a big grin to two of Gianni Infantino's faces, Morocco being both Arabic and African at the same time.

In the competition proper yesterday's scoring heroics aren't quite matched today, Joe Glackin's top-banana 24 points having to be whooped up as the day's best, with 21 points-a-piece for competition veteran Karen Woodland and "most improved played" Richard Scorer, and a respectable 20 points earned by Wesley Piters, John Overend and Steve Berry the latter of whom uses his score to leapfrog to the top of the table ahead of fellow Broken Lifter Lee Henderson. John Irwin returns to form and 21st place.

Michael Frain returns to anagram action with this Day 3 retrospective that highlights just some of the distractions faced by the Argentina squad which allowed Saudi Arabia to gain their famous 2-1 victory:

O Do Cry Argentina. Quit hash teacakes, pot, XL whores, footbaths.

Top work Michael. Any other budding wordsmiths out there please get your thinking caps on.

Day 9, 28th Nov: Cameroon 3-3 Serbia, South Korea 2-3 Ghana, Brazil 1-0 Switzerland, Portugal 2-0 Uruguay Day 9 Table

There were 14 goals to savour in the competition's highest scoring day (probably), including Cameroonian Vincent Aboubakar's scoopiest scoop since Karel Poborský's effort for the Czech Republic against Portugal in the heady days of Euro 1996, the strength of that particular miskick earning young Karel a juicy contract to sit on the Man Utd bench for the next 2 years. Talking of Portugal, and indeed another Man Utd bench-warmer, Ronaldo put in the performance of the day against Uruguay in managing to keep a straight face whilst sincerely claiming he'd got some Brylcreem on a Bruno Fernandes cross that sneaked in at the back post, VAR ultimately proving that that sneaking had been totally unaided much to the great man's annoyance. The episode proved however that when the boots are finally hung up Christiano will be able to transition seamlessly into a lucrative career performing in quirky TV beer adverts - move over Eric Cantona. The referee's final three peeps of the day brought us, would you believe, to the half-way point in the World Cup competition in terms of matches played, if not duration and excitement.

To other matters and Wesley Piters finally appears to have decided that mid-table obscurity is not for him by following up on yesterday's tidy 20 points with an even tidier 30 points today courtesy of predicting all four results including one Red Ten. This earns Mr P advancement into the hallowed Top Ten in at least notional support of Ant Twerps team-mate Carl Van Gysel who himself gained a respectable 21 points due largely to 15 points uniquely snaffled from the South Korea vs Ghana goal fest. Elsewhere, and it's 22 points for Richard "He scorer when he wants" Scorer, a man who evidently really does want to keep his name, with a similar haul for late party-comer Kevin Hale of Seven of Diamonds! fame a man whose persistence is finally rewarded with a handsome elevation up the table and into the top fifty. Even more elsewhere and there are 20 day-points for the likes of Ragbag-resident Danny Hughes, table-top pretenders Louis Maylin & Kieran Small, and even Rob Blears who uses his particular points to lever himself off the foot of the table.

Michael Frain returns to anagram action yet again this time with a Day 4 retrospective that celebrates Japanese substitute Takuma Asano's impressive winner against Germany:

Gotcha! Herr Flick Squashed Owing to Expert Asano shot. Oo Attaboy!

Further A-Grade stuff from Mr Frain that's starting to put some clear blue water between him and the opposition, but it's not over yet. Hopefully.

Day 10, 29th Nov: Ecuador 1-2 Senegal, Netherlands 2-0 Qatar, Wales 0-3 England, Iran 0-1 USA Day 10 Table

So the battle of Offa's Dike goes the way of the English with the Walesish hordes now having to swear allegiance to the new crown or pack up their battle-axes and head for the M4. In truth by the time Rashford scored his second via what would have been an impressive croquet recovery-shot (a hit-and-hope that turned into a double-nutmeg, apparently showing "great confidence") you felt the game was already up. The Welsh keeper had earlier contrived not to get anywhere near a Rashford lumped freekick, a freekick that, despite the hyperbole of the commentators, wasn't really "in the postage stamp" (unless I suppose we're talking about those massive new stamps with the 2-D barcodes, but we could all do that), and a few seconds later the Welsh defence was undone again by a Harry Kane's hit-and-hope look-away-pass which to everyone's surprise, including no doubt Harry's himself, rolled nicely for Phil Foden to tuck home at the back stick. Thus misplaced World Cup commentary box confidence was born again...

Meanwhile it was another very interesting day in the competition proper with Richard Scorer, the man I see as a bit of a personal project, bringing home the most competition bacon - 42 points of it in fact - to climb14 places into second, tucked in nicely behind fairy-tale story-wrecker Steve Berry who didn't heed the memo. It's been quite a story of late for Mr Scorer who first received my gentle encouragement as he languished in last place at the end of Day 3 and was still down in 69th spot at the end of Day 6, before getting his ears syringed and subsequently taking on board the advice proffered with the apprentice-turned-sorcerer results now seen. Watch this space. Elsewhere there's also top work from Jens Dekeyser whose 35 points has him up into 4th, leap-frogging CVG to become the Antwerpian leader, with a similar 35 point haul for fellow-Twerp Warre Piters whilst both Terry Bennett and Karen Herbert of the Levred Scouts manner finally show some mettle for the once-great team by snaffling 33 points each as Vid Brownlee, Jon Jackson and Jon "more on him another day" Gregory each bag 31 points and their own decent rises up the table.

In the great anagram stakes, Michael Frain returns yet again with a Day 6 retrospective that examines where it all started to go wrong for Wales:

Those daft Welsh quake. Iran ghost into box, gatecrash party. Coo!

Tip-top stuff once more from Mr F, the thesaurus has simply run out of superlatives. If any hitherto competition bench-warmers would like to throw their anagram hat into the anagram ring then they would be most welcome. Don't be bashful now!

Day 11, 30th Nov: Australia 1-0 Denmark, Tunisia 1-0 France, Poland 0-2 Argentina, Saudi Arabia 1-2 Mexico Day 11 Table

So Australia, sparked by Leckie, show their current potential and make it to the knock-out phase, Denmark offering little resistance as they are shunted out in the charged atmosphere of a capacity crowd. Time for some AC/DC I think. France did their best to help Tunisia but just didn't reckon on the Danish demise handing things to the Socceroos. Meanwhile in Group C, Mexico looked like they were going home due to scoring more yellow cards than Poland but alas many a future quirky pub quiz question was ruined as a late Saudi consolation strike let goal difference do its thing to get Poland through.

Matt Micale proves he has the pessimism of a true fan as he fails to profit from the famous Aussie win (he had them losing today and in fact all-told predicted just one point, one goal and the first boat home). In a relatively low scoring day there are still notable 27-point performances from the likes of one-to-watch Warre Piters, competition regular Phil Hornby and New Face Richard Collins once more on the up, with Rob Blears earning his 25-point competition spurs by being the only person to predict the famous Aussie 1-0 win and Karen Woodland finally waking up to plunder 23 points. Atop the table it's Sam Thompson once more, 18 points being enough to frog him into first.

A dearth of Anagram offerings have meant that I've had to deploy the Scrabble set myself, in so doing blighting the chances of Richard Scorer who is now down into third.

What's that exciting footy quake? A bold Shah Scorer goes top! Nora...!

If that doesn't encourage people to submit their own fruits I don't know what will.

Day 12, 1st Dec: Croatia 0-0 Belgium, Canada 1- 2 Morocco, Japan 2-1 Spain, Costa Rica 2-4 Germany Day 12 Table

Day 13, 2nd Dec: Ghana 0-2 Uruguay, South Korea 2-1 Portugal, Serbia 2-3 Switzerland, Cameroon 1-0 Brazil Day 13 Table

Day 14, 3rd Dec: Netherlands 3-1 United States, Argentina 2-1 Australia Day 14 Table

Day 15, 4th Dec: France 3-1 Poland, England 3-0 Senegal Day 15 Table

To general disappointment no doubt, I am sorry to say that the recent hiatus on the commentary front has demonstrably come to end. That hiatus was caused by a certain diversion of time and computing resources into sorting out the bureaucracy associated with the incorporation of updated knockout stage predictions for keen pretenders to the competition throne. This, plus the unavailability of our lead correspondent, Albert Quack NUJ, who has been living the dream with a few "social events" has led to the drop-off in topical verbiage seen during recent days. In an attempt to rectify things, those missing out on a proper name-check included:

• On Day 12 it was famous husband-and-wife team Ian & Claire Woodland who were leading scorers, their 25 point haul lifting them 15 places to the respectability of the top 50.

• On Day 13 it was Steve Melton's 21 point accumulation that won the day, no one seeing Brazil's loss coming, nor indeed Steve's rise to the top six.

• On Day 14 it was David Jackson, Jack Clayton and Jenny Burgess who each finally turned up to collect 27 points, moving their respective deck chairs temporarily towards the bow of the Titanic, with a perhaps more pertinent score of 20 from Kevin Thomas lifting him into the top three, a score matched by Joe Glackin, Ian Maylin and also that famous husband-and-wife team Ian & Claire Woodland.

Football-wise, Day 15 is all about England's progress to the Quarters replete with "Hendo" answering his ignorant critics who said he wouldn't score in a Month of Sundays at this level any more (mainly because he hadn't scored in the last Month of Sundays). This followed Kylian Mbappé's two-goal warning to anyone watching prior to Poland's late twice-taken consolation penalty which robbed many a deserving cause of an already-pocketed Red Ten but served to help the likes of Warre Piters post his perfect day 27 point surge into 5th place, this building further on his consistent recent rise. There are also 20 point baggings for Vid Browlee, Jack Clayton and John Whittle, with Louis Maylin's 18 points elevating his cyan livery into 4th.

Meanwhile the really hot news is that Claire Woodland, she of that famous husband-and-wife team Ian & Claire Woodland, has broken anagram cover with this Barbara Broccoli-inspired offering:

Gail Bond asks Q for the secret weapon to X Ray high atac shootout

Excellent work Claire! Have the anagram flood gates opened we ask?

Day 16, 5th Dec: Japan 1-1 Croatia (Croatia win 3-1 on penalties), Brazil 4-1 South Korea Day 16 Table

So our first penalty shootout ends in Japanese tears after a 1-1 draw that gives red rewards to six people for their indecision. In the other match, whisper it, Brazil's pre-choreographed extended goal celebrations and subsequent show-boating became increasingly more irritating as the first half progressed, South Korea somehow contriving to make Tottenham make-weight Richarlison look like a world-beater. As someone raised on 1970's black and white football from the muddy slopes of the Baseball Ground, 1-nil to the Arsenal and Norman Hunter depositing any visiting forward displaying a modicum of skill into the second row of the stands you will forgive me if I take a generally dim view of what now passes for "footballing entertainment". To be honest it's put me right off them and I for one won't be at all upset to see the inevitable ultimate Brazilian demise with the associated tears of Neymar and the traditional inconsolable small boy in the crowd, picked out by the TV producer just as he learns an important life lesson. PS Is a "High Press" a match report in The Times?

It was fairly static at the top of the table where Steve Berry's finger tips just about did enough as most competitors seemed to "play it safe", this allowing Phil Hornby to press his case for greatness with an 18 point leap into 5th place with similar tallies for Owain Whatley and Wesley Piters, the latter desperate to catch up with young pretender Warre, himself now up into third. Other notable performances were from Lindy Berry and Rob Blears who both called the 4-1 Brazilian Strictly Come Dancing but who had also both pre-choked on the Croatia result so failed to make the most of it. Slightly further down and the private family neck-and-neck battle between Claytons Graham and Jack rages on, Graham's 16 points allowing him to draw level, albeit temporarily.

Meanwhile.... He's back! Not just Michael Frain but also Albert Q, who appears to be suffering somewhat for his art:

Exploits of Quack abroad. Reaction to heat. Sweaty thong. Ohh gross.

Gross indeed, but it does take all sorts.

Day 17, 6th Dec: Morocco 0-0 Spain (Morocco win 3-0 on penalties), Portugal 6-1 Switzerland Day 17 Table

Day 18, 9th Dec: Croatia 1-1 Brazil (Croatia win 4-2 on penalties), Netherlands 2-2 Argentina (Argentina win 4-3 on penalties) Day 18 Table

A day of high penalty shoot-out drama. In the early match Brazil appeared to be home and hosed with Neymar finally flattering rather than deceiving only for a deflected scuff to draw Croatia level a few minutes from the final whistle. In the subsequent theatre Croatia took cruel advantage of the fact that they had recently been practising penalties whilst Brazil had recently been practising the Polka, and there it was, tears everywhere. In the other fixture, full of needle and a record 18 yellow cards, things looked all over when Argentina cruised to a 2-0 Messi-inspired lead until the Netherlands decided to leverage their status as the world's tallest race by going "route een" and grabbing a late consolation header to save face, a goal which then actually became relevant in the 11th minute of unwarranted "overtime" as a cheeky free kick routine actually paid off and it was double Dutch delight. In the subsequent penalty fest Argentina prevailed and one was left wondering just what the Dutch dance might have been.

Just prior to the rightful 2-1 Argentina win being robbed in the last minute, I was already starting to compose my explanation as to why I had jumped up to 3rd in the table on the back of my 19 points (yes, I have done the analysis) using scores which hadn't been publicly posted yet. I had determined to quote my 20 years of membership of Scouting and intimate knowledge of the Scout Promise and Laws in evidence of my honesty and probity to give confidence that I really had called the Brazilian draw and Argentina 2-1er prior to kick-off. In the event that 20 years of accumulated moral backbone counted for nothing when that stupid referee added his 10 minutes and the Argentine defence fell asleep. To add insult to injury it didn't even make any difference despite me now cheering on the Netherlands which, to be fair, probably jinxed things for them. I guess we've all got our sob stories but it was quite hard to take. Let's just say that I know exactly how Neymar feels right now. Meanwhile Carl Van Gysel, someone evidently without any such compunction and also someone without so much as a Cub Scout Bronze Arrow to his name, takes full advantage of the travesty and grabs himself that 3rd place that was rightly somebody else's courtesy of his 16 points, actually the day's second best behind the 18 points of Danny Hughes finally putting his shoulder to the Ragbag wheel. The 14 points scored by the likes of Graham Clayton, Mike Walshe, Elliot Taylor, Jack O'Toole and Kevin West were all useful in their respective local bragging rights whilst in the team game you have to say that the Ant Twerps, leaders since Day 14 are looking the most likely to be walking off with that £5,000 prize come judgement day.

All this aside, in the competition that really counts, a competition that can't have a top performance stolen off you in the last seconds, Claire Woodland proves that the flood gates have indeed well and truly opened with this offering:

Beatrix Potter drank cocoa quota while Fang ghosts hate Sooshy

There's so much to unpack with that one but fortunately there's no time for the headache to set in as Claire follows things straight up with a second winner for consideration thus:

C Rooney requests Agatha Christie books that flog tax and whoop

The Wagatha Christie case summarised in one fell anagram! A wrap-up of which the great David Suchet himself would be proud. Fantastic stuff!

Day 19, 10th Dec: Morocco 1-0 Portugal, England 1-2 France Day 19 Table

In the early match Morocco took the lead when their striker Youssef En-Nesyri leap like the proverbial salmon to get his noggin on a floated cross and that was more or less that, Portugal never really looking too likely as far as I could make out. In the evening match it was basically a slight variation for the England disappointment collection as Kane contrived to put the second penalty wrung out of the Brazilian ref, who seemed really rather intent on "letting the game flow", into Row Z. England were probably on balance the better side and looked the more likey at 1-1 but you don't get any cream in this world for probablies and with the French fashioning two goals out of pretty much nowhere each time that was that. It was a little galling (geddit?) to see Kyle Walker's pocket-warmer Monsieur Mbappé being quite so smug about life but what can you do.

To much more important things, and the TGV that is CVG continues on its merry way, another 17 points gained, those points gleaned through pure logic, a logic unencumbered by any whimsical notion that England might progress, and taking him into joint top spot alongside Steve Berry, these two now fully 11 points clear of the faltering romantic pack. Just checking things a little more though and it would appear that the hard-nosed Mr Berry was also in fact secretly fist-pumping the country's demise under the table in the Red Lion on Saturday night, Kane's skyer giving him a Red 10 to maintain his parity with the Belgium Ace. Other traitors to the cause included Henry Bennett and Tom Clayton with perfect-day scores of 24 points, whilst the treachery of Jon Jackson, Ian & Claire Woodland, Joe Glackin, Karen Herbert, John Irwin, Liam Pattison, Gordon Geddes, Dave Herbert and, er, Jenny Burgess earned them each 19 points and a week in the spare bedroom.

Meanwhile, in the world of letters, not content to rest on yesterday's double-header, the prolific Claire Woodland chimes in once more with this Time Lord-based observation direct from her Tardis:

Doctor Who lent his history book page on squash extra fat-cat age

Excellent stuff indeed - what would the Brigadier have made of that?! This recent literary challenge seems to have stirred Michael Frain's quill into action once more, that quill delivering this exploration of Albert Quack's exploits on a recent holiday to the English Riviera:

Fogie has who’s bedsocks at garish Torquay apartotel? (No context)

You might say no context Michael, but I think that context is actually everything with this one. Everything. Not that we wish to find out.

Day 20, 13th Dec: Argentina 3-0 Croatia Day 20 Table

More Messi Magic does for Croatia, the great man, inspired by Harry Kane's first rather than second, tucking home a penalty prior to weaving into the box in the second half to set up Julián Álvarez for his second register of the night. Álvarez's first had come from a head-down, straight-line, high-speed, bull-doze into the box with various bits of ricocheted fortune somehow coming his way en route prior to him smashing the ball into the net and concussing the keeper into the bargain. I hope he bought a lottery ticket. Poor Croatia ran out of steam in the end but, and being serious for a moment however unlikely that sounds, you really do have to admire their incredible recent achievements being such a small country.

Thank you to everyone who sent in updated semi final score predictions prior to the game, sometimes with cheery messages. Sorry not to reply to all personally - I was a bit late cranking up the Cray tonight for the usual niceties I'm afraid. I do now somewhat belatedly understand why Vision On claimed they were unable to return to senders the various artworks submitted to "The Gallery" each week (Google it kids) although it has to be said that here the suspicion does still linger that this was probably less due to the level of bureaucracy that would have been involved and rather more due to the level of water damage caused to the pieces by the tears of mirth from the BBC back-room team working on the program. You probably need to be a certain age.

But what have those unacknowledged new predictions led to as we start to arrive at the business end of proceedings? Well Andrew Hammond is the only person to have seen Argentinian 3-0 red thereby consolidating himself safely inside the top 60 to much relief, whilst at the table top a CVG derailment allows Steve Berry to go clear by a full 6 points. A general smattering of 4s and 6s lower down means it's pretty much as you were below the aforementioned leaders, no one really managing to take advantage.

Elsewhere, Claire Woodland has sharpened her pencil once more in describing this difficult situation for the Qatari authorities to deal with, a quandary which you feel would have lasted for almost 10 seconds.

Police cadet fought gay Qatar striker who sent hoax to boss Noah

Fantastic! Any other takers?

Day 21, 14th Dec: France 2-0 Morocco Day 21 Table

So it wasn't to be, and we all shed the tears of Gianni Infantino at the Moroccan demise. France's progression to the final was relatively serene after a 5th minute contortion-assisted nerve-settler which had Morocco gamely chasing the game thereafter in a fairly interesting way until, alas, a 79th minute tap-in removed the last vestiges of romance and there it was, Hobson's choice for the final.

Where it really matters though there were certainly no vestiges of Moroccan Romance for the likes of Red-Tenners Warre Piters, Jon "more on him another day" Gregory, Henry Bennett, Martin "First-in" Foster, Jens Dekeyser, Lawrence Barnard, Gordon Geddes, George Geaves, Rhoda Miles and, crucially, Steve Berry, Steve apparently starting his dash for the tape leaving mere 6-pointer CVG trailing in his wake. But is Steve doing a Devon Loch? Has he gone too soon? Time will tell. Meanwhile in the under-reported but equally important team game the Ant Twerps thoroughbreds are, to paraphrase David Coleman's urban myth, opening their legs and really showing us what they've got, moving ahead by a full 0.13, up from 0.6 the day before. Incredible stuff.

Speaking of time as I was, it's now time to get your last re-predictions in for the 3rd Place Playoff and Final if you dare.

Elsewhere, and Albert Quack finally re-emerges, Jeffrey Bernard-style, from the effects of a three-day daiquiri-fuelled bender at the Doha InterContinental with old mates and fellow befuddled retired thespians Simon Callow and Mel Brooks using nectar smuggled into Qatar in his ingeniously designed golf-bag, to submit some belated copy to the Press Association related to the unfortunate Welsh demise, Mr Q in his confused state apparently blaming the selection of John Hartson for the early baths:

Aghast h-hot rarebit woolyhats (apt) go in excess of red conk quota

One fears for the solvency of his travel insurers.

Day 22, 17th Dec - The 3rd Place Playoff: Croatia 2-1 Morocco Day 22 Table

In the game nobody wants, least of all Steve Berry, we saw the Infantino-advised referee selflessly disallowing a clear second half Croatian penalty in the greater interests of African football, and by extension the world generally, the unsporting Croats selfishly failing to take the hint and stubbornly clinging on to claim 3rd spot over the plucky Moroccans.

The aforementioned Steve Berry had failed to anticipate the poor manners of the Croats, with the consequent net slippage of 4 points versus CVG meaning that the door is now just about ajar and the chance of a first solo win for a member of team Ant Twerp is a still a possibility, provided that is Steve is able to open the thick brown envelope just arrived on his door mat and/or knows what's good for him.

The afore-aforementioned Steve Berry, serious work locked and loaded, finally turns his excess skills to the world of letters, predicting the fall-out of England's failure and suggesting an improvement in fortunes might only be possible by a back-to-the-future emulation of the defensive perfection of a backline drilled by the Don H the 1980's Arsenal 1-0 specialist.

Ranting Gareth quits today. Reposts “black hoax afoot”. Chose Howe.

Fantastic stuff Steve, you are clearly not a one-trick pony after all.

But wait! Bastion of the game Martin "First-in" Foster proves his versatility by also becoming Martin "Last-in" Foster, this time on the anagram front, Martin suggesting that the reason for Mr Q's sudden and urgent dependence on Imodium might have something to do with his recent drunken partaking of the local Qatari "Equine Stew" delicacy, a national dish in which close participation is apparently the fate for all but the winner of September's Doha Derby.

Foody Albert Quack’s Nag Hotpot Ache Gastroenteritis Whoosh! Ax!

Tremendous stuff Martin! Where have you been all this while?

But wait again! Michael Frain in turn delivers his final submission, a snippet of conversation overheard in the foyer of the Doha InterContinental, a conversation between the Purser and the Duty Manager as Mr Q came down, somewhat gingerly, to request an anti-diarrhoea preparation and sick-bag after yet another three-day daiquiri-fuelled bender, this time with Ian McKellen, Gyles Brandreth and Chris Eubank.

Q. Who’s he?

A. Albert, a stocky stoutish octogenarian ex-drag pooftah

No words necessary.

Day 23, 18th Dec - The Final: Argentina 3-3 France (Argentina win 4-2 on penalties) Day 23 - Final Table

So a compelling final was served up which Argentina seemed to have won about three times only to be pegged back thrice by a France side showing commendable resolve and who at times looked the more likely themselves. Billed as the battle between the old master Messi and the young apprentice Mbappé, so it more or less proved with each contributing to light up the match and make it, unlike most finals, a truly memorable game settled on the cruelty of penalties. You have to say well done to Argentina, but even weller done let's not forget to Saudi Arabia who saw them off in their opening Group Stage match.

So where does this leave the predictathon competition I hear you cry? Well with the 3-3 Final score line leaving Red Tens as rare as a pint of Double Diamond in Doha it was pretty much as you were at the top:

1st: Steve Berry (298 Points)

Classy performance from the lad, maintaining his concentration to the bitter end, eventually whipping away the trailing coat-tails to make things safe thanks to his 6 point 1-1 final match prediction. Steve was never lower than 14th (after game 6) and was always there or there abouts, often trading top spot with Sam Thompson until grabbing the thing by the lapels in game 60 and never looking back. Added to this the Cray-2 has determined that Steve would also have won the competition based on the very original entries submitted as well, albeit only by a single point from Phil Hornby with Carl Van Gysel still in third. Let's also not forget that Steve came 5th in his debut at Euro 20/21 so an all-round top performer. Expect a bottom half finish at Euro 2024.

2nd: Carl Van Gysel (284 Points)

Ant Twerp champion Carl put in a really solid performance, dragging himself from 51st after Match 5 up to the top notch by Match 19, a snoozy wobble dropping him down in 20th around Match 53 before snapping to it again and deciding to really go for it thereafter. Joint top after match 60 before Steve Berry applied the pressure, Carl kept things possible right up until the last day, the second Argentina goal finally extinguishing all hope of the Red Ten he needed. A tremendous performance nonetheless, one which helped the Ant Twerps walk off with the £5,000 team-game prize.

3rd: Kevin Thomas (279 Points)

A great performance from Ray's Ragbag competition newcomer Kevin, his debut performance putting many a grizzled veteran to shame. Never below 17th and having the temerity to be leading after Match 7, a run to Bronze internet immortality glory from 11th place after Match 60 showed just how much he wanted it. Great work Kevin.

Team Champions: The Ant Twerps
Second Place: Ray's Ragbag

So there we finally are. Fifty Six years of pain and counting! Many thanks to everyone for taking part (including the anagram submitters!), maybe see you for Euro 2024...

"You're going to have to start again boss. What's that thing over there with a net on it?"