World Cup 2014 Competition
Breaking News

This little page is reserved for Breaking News and Comment on the competition as and when my enthusiasm comes:

9th May: The possibility of running the competition again vaguely discussed in the office...

9th May and 1 second: First unsolicited completed form received from Michael Frain.

9th May and 2 seconds: New retrospective bye-law invoked, disqualifying any entry submitted before the Competition Launch.

15th May: Competition Launch.

27th May: Eight hardened cheapskate competitors have so far taken advantage of the early-bird discount. Not exactly a flood is it?

1st June: Fifteen entries now. Many veterans evidently keeping their powder dry, waiting for Spocky to make his move. I promise you will be the first to hear about when he does.

4th June: As the World Cup hype starts to build after the Peru thrashing, 33 entries have now been smoked out. At least we're quorate now.

7th June: A modicum of interest starts to build with 49 prediction athletes now limbering up at the start line. Some notable big beasts of the competition jungle are yet to show their hands mind, those long hours of research will surely reap dividends in the wooden spoon stakes. Either that or they can't be bothered this time, they were already bored of it in 1998, and are waiting until 2018 to see if it's gets any better or if there will be any new jokes. I think we know.

8th June: SPOCKY BREAKS COVER! Just as we were starting to look round a little anxiously for a possible new competition villain, in winged Spocky's entry. What a pro! Timing his run to perfection, as usual he foresees that England won't be troubling the TV schedulers after the group stage. The accompanying chirp in the email, somewhat strangely after 18 years, seemed to bemoan the fact that a last minute goal can turn a potential10-pointer into just a 2-pointer. Der - that's the game.

Now up to a total of 64 entries as shown on the Tables page. If you think you should be on this list and aren't (ie if you've sent a completed form in at some point before 8th June) then please email me. On the actual football front, England's last warm up match against Honduras was pretty dire. The highlight was definitely seeing the assembled ITV luminaries trying to fill an unscheduled 30 minutes in a sweaty corridor during that thunder-storm.

9th June: News of Spocky's move gives the competition a certain chic and the flood gates open, another 22 people spoiling their tea break today so we're up to 86 now. The entrants and predictions are posted up on the Tables page to really get those Ooos and Ahrrs underway. The competition boat leaves on Wednesday.

10th June: Another 14 punters today brings the total to a round 100. Just think what could have been knocked off the national debt without all that time wasting. Alas the third digit will probably trigger a millennium bug in my little-changed-since-1998 spreadsheet, so anything could happen now.

11th June: Well here we finally are. After six years in the planning the big countdown is over at last and all that pent-up excitement can finally be released. Yes indeed, this year's much heralded World Cup Anagram Competition is hereby officially launched! For competition newcomers, forget all those silly numbers, this is the main event really as it provides some welcome relief from all that tedious football and allows the cerebrally gifted, as opposed to the just plain lucky, to express themselves. And here, here, say I. This year's phrase that pays is:

"Ninety quid for a replica shirt? May I have two please."

So just get your inventive, witty or otherwise anagram in to the judges for your chance to gain internet immortality, and also bear in mind that there's a 43-letter Countdown Conundrum in there too if you look long enough.

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Aside from that, they're still coming out the belated woodwork, we're up to 112 now. The names and predictions I think I've got are are shown via the Tables page - it might be worth a quick check that your entry is in there ok?

12th June: What is it with you people? You've had six years to get your entry forms in, but like a rabble of Brazilian construction workers you wait until the very last day to get the kettle on. Have you no idea of the complex bureaucracy that a Chinese Competition Gangmaster is subject to these days? The stresses and strains caused by having to extend an old, poorly-structured spreadsheet to meet the rigours demanded by the modern-day gaming clientele?

The biscuit was surely taken by an anonymous personage who, like some whisky-imbibing cad travelling first class on the Titanic, was only roused into action when the orchestra finally stopped playing, and who then proceeded to use the bobbing heads of women and children from Steerage as stepping stones to the Competition Lifeboat, being helped aboard (together with his trunk) by his Gentleman's Gentleman, who earned a firm hand-shake of appreciation for his twenty years' of loyal service, and indeed a cheery wave once the horizon had been reached. That, together with the necessary belated correction of some Inbox Myopia Syndrome, means I can finally reveal that, with an ominous resonance to an ill-fated British Rail train, our total number of competitors now stands at.... 125!

Let battle commence.

England's secret weapon gets unveiled against the Incas at Wembley...

Link to Footage of Prototype Trials
(Right click and "Open in new window")

Roy is pleased...

...and instructs the Peruvian Manager to "Remember Agincourt"

Against Ecuador, Raheem Sterling confirms his role as an "Impact Substitute"

13th June: So we're off with a ludicrous opening match, the referee making no attempt to disguise the appearance of 300,000 Swiss Francs in his bank account, that sum no doubt contributed to by a whip-round of 28 anonymous people desperate to get off to a flyer in a parochial little guessing game. What has the world come to that winning has become so important? Still, innocence must temporarily be assumed, so for now the fickle finger of fame points at Judith Bell, resplendent atop our leader board.

Ok, ok, it was Arwyn Hughes.

14th June: They say you have to adapt or die - just go to any inspirational Business Management seminar fronted by a lazy presenter. But alas some people disagree. They say what's wrong with a crisp, straight-forward, monochrome user interface presenting all the information we need in a traditional format that has served us well for 12 years, I felt ill when I saw all those silly colours, and as for those stupid words. Well let me explain. To celebrate the last chance of a decent world cup until goodness knows when, we have unilaterally decided to bring a new angle to our little competition's proceedings, namely a Team Game aspect. Yes, for better or worse everybody has been manacled, kicking and screaming, into a team of outwardly similar bed-fellows for the duration of the proceedings. Inspiration or, er, the opposite - you decide. The rigorous team selection criteria is outlined below:

So, the eternal dichotomy is presented - do you want your team-mates to do well so you can get your share of that £10million prize fund promised to the winning team by our competition sponsor, or do you want them to fail so you can be sure of winning that £5 side-bet? Decisions, decisions.

On the football front, the Netherlands shock Spain (and everyone else apparently) and it's all change at the top with just keen long-distance runner Andrew Foggo maintaining top spot. But has he made his kick for the line too soon? At the bottom, it's Ian Maylin left to explain the power of his dried seaweed to the rest of the Broken Lifters as the Bogoff Boyz surge past despite Steve Melton's best efforts.

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Meanwhile, the first entry has been received in the anagram competition. It is received with thanks from perennial early-bird Michael Frain who sets a high standard with not one but two catchy catch-phrases of varying legitimacy:

LIONEL MESSI? PROFANITY. ADHERE QUAVERY WHITE CAP

A MANC STAR? CHIMP ROONEY REPETITIVELY QUALIFIED WITH PRAWNS

Arjen Robben prematurely celebrates his Red 10 after putting Holland 2-1 up

15th June: Whilst the evening was disaster for any right-thinking English xenophobe, certain personages took great delight in Balotelli's header when it netted them a cool 10 points. I shan't stoop to naming these various Barrio Backstabios, but suffice it to say anyone can identify them for public shunning by simply downloading the full scores spreadsheet from the tables page - open this up and populate the Results column to identify the culprits when the Red 10 appears under their name. Then just simply tut.

Big movers of the day upwards are Tom Clayton, Kate Irwin and Richard Collins each with an impressive (though traitorous) 26 points, the lad Clayton joining the merry throng at the top. On the other hand, zero points to show for the day's work for Jane Scarratt and Steve Melton (alas not a big mover Steve, there's not far to travel down there). Where his influence is keenly felt is in the team game where the Bogoff Boyz are toppled from first spot by Tom Clayton's Gang

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Meanwhile, Michael Frain celebrates yesterday's Dutch victory with another sterling - and indeed topical - effort in the anagram competition:

WEARY SPAIN, LET IN FIVE, CRAMPS? TEQUILA? OOH HYDRATE

Tremendous stuff. Come on guys, he's showing you the way. Remember that killer phrase "Ninety quid for a replica shirt? May I have two please".

16th June: Drew Millin makes a play for the individual top spot courtesy of an impressive total of four Red 10s. Lower down, the field starts to spread out with the usual jostling and gouging we've come to expect. An awful day for the Levred Scouts sees them tumble to the bottom whereas top work from Rachel Robin sees her lead the Pretty Pollys to, albeit transient, glory.

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It's Michael Frain again and this time he turns his attention to yesterday's French victory with another sterling - and dare I say it, topical - effort in the anagram competition:

FILTHY CHEESE EATERS IN IRAQ WAR, LAD, I VOMIT A PONY UP

That gauntlet is well and truly thrown down now.

17th June: Well it's 14 games in now and it's Dan Newell making his mark. Two days ago he was mid-table cannon fodder but a tremendous 50 points out of a possible 60 now means he's table-topping cannon fodder instead. Surprise package Martin Wakely tracks his run whilst competition veterans Will McDonald, Matt Micale and Tom Clayton lurk just off the pace ready to fall to mid-table obscurity at any moment. In the team game, first place is being thrown around like a hot potato and right now it's Family Values and the Silvertech Surfers getting their fingers burned. Green Army! are struggling, distracted, like on a normal Sunday, by looking for the competition ball in all that long grass.

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The Michael Frain lad chips in again, this time taking inspiration from the helpful, supportive advice England are currently getting in the media:

QUIT PITCH WAYNE ROONEY, I DESPAIR, SAD HALF-TIME LEAVER

What can I say? I may as well just leave things to him now.

18th June: With 17 games gone we're in the swing of it now. All except John Overend it seems who has a day "without troubling the scorers" as they say, down 26 places. Only just ahead is "everybody's second result check" Spocky, whose recent nose-dive should not go unheralded. Alas he's broken his Red 10 duck, but there's still fun to be had in that department (now that I have too) with 22 people still looking to get off the mark. It will soon be time to start naming and shaming but Alex Dixon need not worry on this account, his correct prediction of Belgium 2, Algeria 1 lifts both him and Green Army! off the bottom of their respective leagues. Further up, spare a thought for Ray Charlton, comfortably being out-performed by his Ragbag.

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Today Michael Frain celebrates the USA's victory over Ghana thus:

A PITHY ODE: AMERICAN STAR, QUIETLY WOLF HIS RAVEN PIE

19th June: An unscheduled cock-up by my website provider is finally corrected. Meanwhile, a low scoring day sees Martin Wakely still out front for Vid's Vassals with a creditable 16 correct results out of 20, including 5 Red 10s. Lower down, Barry Braine pulls a "John Overend" and slides down to 96th position, now adjacent to Father-in-Law Ray Charlton in one of the competition's bitterest petty feuds. Further down, a great day for Spocky - he's now up to 110th. In the team game, it's Family Values top with the highly experienced Levred Scouts remaining bottom, no doubt holding their nerve for a late surge on the last match.

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Michael Frain offers some last minute advice to the England team ahead of tonight's vital Uruguay clash:

QUITE CLEAN SPIRITED RAHEEM, VARY POSITION HALF WAY

Gary Lewin gets medevaced after kicking a water bottle in disgust when Sturridge's equalizer ruined his Italy 1-0 prediction

20th June: A disastrous day at the office for Roy and the boys leaves our dreams hanging by a World Cup thread. Martin Wakely extends his lead at the top still further, but even he thought England would get a point. As the field continues to stretch, Sam Varga is still flying the flag for Belgium in second with Alex Tricca now tricking his way in to third. With 26 points apiece, big movers of the day Nial McLoughlin (5th) and Ian Woodland (25th) just don't care about the nation. Elsewhere, Timothy Seebold pulls a "JO" as do Jon & Viv Micklefield, no doubt each blaming each other. Hindhead Relate are on standby. JO himself starts the fightback but he's got some work to do to catch Sue O in 32nd. Just fourteen nervous individuals now without a Red 10 to their name, it's getting interesting. Ray's Ragbag go bottom in the team game with the Silvertech Surfers nicking top spot.

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Michael Frain, in acerbic and reflective mood, offers his damning X-rated assessment of England (younger viewers should look away now):

SHIT SQUAD? POOR TEAM? NEVER WIN? YAH REALITY. EPIC FAIL

* The use of bad language is not big and it's not clever, and cannot be justified at any time except during the day. However, Shakespeare is full of it (apparently - Leicester Poly remember) and in the wider interests of freedom of expression the censors have decided on this occasion Mr. Frain to let this crude vernacular through. However, please don't abuse this trust going forward.

20th June Addendum:

I'm afraid to say that an email of complaint has today been received from a spokesman for the Mustang Engineering Ltd competition micro-group. It is reprinted in full below:

From: Martin Foster

Subject: Transfer Request

I would like to point out that Neil (Wallace), Tom (Doody) & myself are working our butts off for the Broken Lifters, but are being dragged down by a couple of make weights who seem happy to pick up their wages, drift through training & not put a shift in for the team. As they were signed by a former manager & don’t suit the new style of our play, I need to know if there is a transfer window looming, in which they can be offloaded to a struggling team trying to avoid relegation.
Regards,
Martin Foster

Furthermore the email was supported by Thomas Doody who suggested a new team be created and that "The Mustang Wild Stallions … would be top of the league with an average of 88 … if we didn’t have all these old duffers on long contracts".

Well I must say I am really disappointed by this attitude. The sole reason I run this game is to engender a joint spirit amongst dedicated yet disparate prediction enthusiasts across the world. I never dreamed that such sentiments, such heresy, could be thought let alone openly voiced in emails. That said, they do have a point, and I for one am glad those sharks aren't blood relatives of mine. In answer to the basic question though: The introduction of the functionality proposed is deemed against the Corinthian Spirit in which this competition was conceived and so, in essence, you're stuck with them.

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The Frain lad finally gets some quality competition. Arwyn Hughes has turned his attention to tonight's crucial Italy match with a sterling - and dare I say it, topical - effort in the anagram competition:

IF ITALIANO CAN TOPPLE HERE, I RESHAVE MY WARTY SQUID

That gauntlet is well and truly taken up now.

21st June: Well alas no Italian heroics meaning England are condemned to an early World Cup bath, and, perhaps more importantly, there'll be no warty squids getting a reshave. On a day when points were generally difficult to come by it's pretty much as you were at both the top and the bottom of the table. Matt Micale (14th), Ken Bryan (71st), Vidal Brownlee (101st) and Edward Fahey (117th) all join the JO club but there's an incredible 24 points on the day from Wal Beale who, after languishing in 117th but two days ago loyally holding hands with husband Dave, has cut him loose and is now up to the heady heights of 56th. Dave Beale - bottom. A good day for the Ant Twerps see them take the lead in the team game with Green Army! assuming the table's "supporting role".

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To the real business. On the plus side, not one but two anagram entries have been received from Neil Thompson, evidently really putting in the effort on that long train commute. On the negative side however, there's no WiFi on the 17.48 to Portsmouth Harbour and he was using an old version of the phrase-that-pays before I changed it slightly when I realised that I myself couldn't form a single acronym from the letters I'd presented. Not one to let such effort and enthusiasm go unrewarded though, here are those validated Neil Thompson entries in full:

IN QUIET FAVELA TRIP, WHO REALLY SHOT DENIS?

SPAIN DREW LEVEL? ITALY QUIT TO FASHION HER.

Excellent stuff Neil. Beautiful countryside out the train window - who needs it? I can't wait to see you get to work on the proper phrase, namely "Ninety quid for a replica shirt? May I have two please".

Meanwhile Michael Frain, never one to give a rival wordplay pretender any sort of free run, retorts in typically topical fashion:

WHAAA!!! THE EPIC DREAM IS FINALLY OVER. INEPT ROY QUITS?

Any other takers? Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.

22nd June: There's 29 games played now and at the top Martin Wakely stumbles very slightly allowing the baying dogs behind to close in a little. Blood-scenter in chief is Niall McLoughlin whose 18 points carry on his relentless rise to third, up from 81st after Match Day 4. Surely only the hunt sabs can save the tiring Wakely fox now. Other star performers with 18 points are Andy Mallett (17th), Rachel Robin and Terry Bennett (both in 23rd), Sue Dixon (making a welcome return to the top 100 in 96th) and Graham Smith who is secretly relieved (possibly even in the Paula Radcliffe sense of the word) to be taking in the rarefied air of 117th. Not a single JO today, perhaps people are finally getting the concept of the game now?

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The Daily Frain:

A VERY POOR TEAM DISPLAY, CAN'T EQUALISE, HIT IT WHINER!

23rd June: Match 32 marks the half way point of our little tournament and finally, finally the cream starts to rise. Modesty should prevent... but it doesn't, although I can't quite bring myself to use the third person. Elsewhere there are JOs all over the park with Claire Yates, Mike Walshe, Richard Godden, Sue Dixon, Barry Braine, Ian Maylin and, you guessed it, SPOCKY all contributing to the amusement. In the team game it's the Ant Twerps consolidating things at the top.

In other news, there's been a rather disturbing development in the already strained team spirit of the Broken Lifters. It transpires that certain personages in our ranks may be intimately linked to today's press allegations concerning match fixing by a certain West African Football Association. An email regarding the internal relations of the Broken Lifters has been received and it is reprinted in full below:

From: Lee Henderson

Subject: RE: World Cup 2014 Competition (Misc Previous Competitors Sub-group!)

With regards to the post by our “Team” member Martin Foster about a few of the “Broken Lifters” holding the others back, can I point out that we’re following orders laid down by the Ghanian FA and therefore welcome a transfer window where we can get rid of the high performing members of our team, namely Messrs Doody, Staples and Foster who are severely limiting our chances of a luxury holiday in Accra.

Cheers

Lee and Richard

Like you no doubt I am appalled by this revelation. At first I refused to believe that any activities incompatible with a ramrod straight back could be contemplated by anyone connected with our competition. I thought that those predictions of English footballing Group D glory were the sad, deluded ramblings of some sad, deluded patriots. Now however I am convinced that the evidence for foul play has become overwhelming. Indeed, the final nail in the competition credibility coffin was for me the dreadful realisation that "Broken Lifters" is in fact a thinly disguised cover name for "Bent Riser Folk". Yes some people it seems have been taking the rise now for 11 days simply in the apparent hope of getting a mosquito net and drinks package upgrade at the Bojo Beach Resort. This is indeed a sad day for all true lovers of non-contact guessing games throughout the world.

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Another challenge to the man of letters, this time coming from the Southern Hemisphere. Antipodean cousin and competition old boy Matt Micale gets his patriotic thinking cap on with this superb - and dare I say it, topical - effort:

COME ON AUSI. THIEVERY WITH SPAIN FADER? LET IRAQ PLAY

Michael Frain retorts:

WHY ISN’T MOTTY IN RIO? APPEAL FAVELA. ITCHES REQUIRE SHADE

24th June: Forty juicy points on offer yesterday and pillager in chief is Ed Sleath (the Broken Lifter known by all to be useless at guessing games and hence left unwanted against the playground wall when the warring factions were being chosen by the rival captains). Ed shows what can be done, claiming 30 glorious points through those tear-filled eyes. At the bottom, Ian Maylin becomes one of 6 people to get their first Red 10 today, that success enabling him to rise from bottom all the way up to, er, joint-bottom. The leaves just 6 others still awaiting their first flush of Red 10 pride. It really will be time to start naming soon. At the top it's Kate Irwin and Drew Millin making progress whilst Martin Wakely still has the edge on the chasing pack.

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Frain of the day:

MAN, HE QUIPS: 'WOY, ACTIVATE THE FLAIR PLAYER!' DERISION !

25th June: We've reached the 40 game mark now and what a good mark it is for Graham Clayton who smashes his Red 10 duck not once but twice in the day's top score of 26 giving him a big rise up the table to the much-loved 45th position, perfectly placed for a final day assault on the top 44. Other big movers of the day are Arwyn Hughes (also up to that favoured 45th) and Helena Bennett (55th). Rachel Robin and Kate Irwin pull JOs out the bag and suffer accordingly. At the top of the table it's still Martin Wakely managing to keep out of trouble.

The day's actual football news is dominated by Luis Suárez's top set. If only the England match could have been spiced up a little; instead the dull draw causes pain for every right-thinking Englishman who had the 2-0 victory confirming our group top-spot.

Spare a thought will you for Ian Ayre the Liverpool FC Chief Executive. In the morning all the talk was of Suárez moving to Spain for £100m with the gleaming new Liverpool FC stadium finally set to rise from the drawing board. By the evening he's sending the van back round to B&Q for some more of that red paint to cover over the rust at Anfield.

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Michael Frain celebrates the events of the day with another typically topical offering, pre-empting the FIFA disciplinary committee's Luis Suárez judgement thus:

INQUIRY INTO SHARP VAMPIRE TEETH: COLLIDE A SAFE WAY

But wait a minute. What's this? A new competitor enters the anagram fray! Yes it's Claire Yates with a classic homage to the man of letters:

HAVE A PLAY! NOT SO EASY MICHAEL FRAIN, I TRIED, QUIT, WEEP …… R !!

26th June: The penultimate 40-pointer day and you've got to hand it to Martin Wakely, his 22 points on the day extending his lead at the top to a full 12 points. Player of the day Andrew Foggo (15th) with 24 points gets ready to make his move, we're just not sure where that move will be. Lower down the table where it's just petty rivalry to play for, you can almost hear the crowing from Andrew Woodland coming through the internet. Yesterday in joint 94th with wife Karen, now he's a full 20 points and 42 places ahead after the form book was turned on its head. Also watch out for the intense Ray Charlton vs Barry Braine battle, a mere 6 point advantage for Ray now. Elsewhere, Sue Dixon (79th) has belatedly got the hang of the game with another good performance lifting her up from 112th just 3 days ago.

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Today Michael Frain, with another typically topical offering, reminds Italy's Giorgio Chiellini that his problems at the jaws of a habitual biter are perhaps small ones compared with those of some people:

RAY CHARLTON ATE ME WHIPPET ALIVE, ADIOS NIFTY SQUIRE

27th June: Well that's the end of the group stage and the Wakely lad extends his lead at the top to an impressive 14 points. If all was fair he'd already be spraying the champagne around, acknowledging all the plaudits and getting down to researching form for Euro 2016. However, as we know, life isn't like that. No, before Martin can claim that coveted crown he must still negotiate the knockout phase where randomness truly comes into its own. It's the part of the competition beloved of those "still learning the game" because, with their predictions being based on teams who are in fact already on the beach, they have a much improved chance of success on the two wrongs making a right principle.

"We've got this far" I hear you cry "but who on earth should I be supporting in each match now? I really need to know". First thing: Calm Down. Panicking won't solve anything. The answer is that I've updated the Players' Predictions spreadsheet with all the actual scores to date and it now shows the real teams for the round of 16 and hence you can see the scores you "predicted" in that light. For the lazy I will update it again in the next round etc but I'm afraid I'll have to leave you to go through all the effort of downloading again.

History shows that the arbitrary nature of the second phase of the competition rarely affects the final standings (small Brownian Motion movements here and there with zero overall nett effect). But before Martin Wakely can truly consider himself home and hosed he must beware of someone suddenly harnessing the infinite improbability of that Brownian Motion and thereby leaping one foot up the table at a stroke in accordance with the theory of indeterminacy (for those unfamiliar, all is explained at 17:37 here (open in new tab/window)).

Before we move on, credit must be given to Rhoda Miles yesterday for her incredible Lou Reed of four Red 10s, giving her a 19 place rise to 8th. Whether she was prematurely utilising infinite improbability drive or not, it's certainly a little greedy especially in the context of Malcolm Clayton and Dave Beale our last players yet to, er, debut on that front after yesterday's long-awaited success for Thomas West (twice), Lee Henderson (accidental) and Phil Spiring (lucky). Good days too for Neil Thompson, Jes Moon and Matt Bowld but guys if you really wanted some limelight you should have chosen another day.

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Today Arwyn Hughes re-enters the anagram fray with another sterling - and dare I say it, topical - effort:

I AM LUIS' EVIL TEETH. I TEACH PAIN.
POW!!! ARF :(
SORRY? NAY!
Q.E.D.

Meanwhile Michael Frain takes a break from football and turns his attention to lamenting young Nathan's departure to the Middle East:

WHY YUPPIE MONCASTER LEAVE FOR THE QATARIS? I DIAL IN.

28th June: Finally a rest day for the spreadsheet.

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No rest for the Frain however who once again pushes the boundaries of taste and decency. As previously, the censors have been taken right to the limit on this one and it's only because Chaucer is full of it (apparently) that I am persuaded to let more of this crude vernacular through:

I MAY WHIPLASH QUITE NICE TITS FOREVER. OLE, AND A YARP!

29th June: Well all bets are off now as 28 people including our illustrious leader draw a complete blank on the day whilst bottom-of-the-table Dave Beale finally gets his first Red 10. Granted he thought it would be Italy losing 2-0 to Columbia, but it's still a fine effort which leaves Malcolm Clayton as the last man standing in the zero Red 10s league. Tremendous stuff. The only mystery is how high up the table Malcolm is (94th) despite his lack of maximums, testament surely to the quality of the players around him. In the team game it's still the Ant Twerps out front whilst the Levred Scouts break their three-day stint at the bottom, replaced by Ray's Ragbag.

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Not resting on her laurels, Claire Yates sums up the nation's disenchantment in eloquent style:

I QUIT FOOTY, WASTES A DREAM, I PLAN CHERRY LIP HEAVEN! I.E.!

You tell me. Meanwhile, with the Iberian media blaming poor preparation and diet for their team failings, Michael Frain reflects on the attempts already in place to improve things for next time:

TV REQUIRE SPANISH EAT A CAMEL PIE IN FILTHY DOORWAY

Luis Suárez takes desperate measures to ensure he gets sufficient free time to complete his second round predictions

30th June: If Costa Rica felt themselves somewhat chuffed at getting past Greece, theirs was nothing to the unconfined joy in Forest Green as Malcolm Clayton, an eternity into the competition, finally gets his first Red 10 in match 52. More joy down the Green as James Whitmarsh (now 33rd) gets the full 20 on the day as does Ed Sleath (9th). Meanwhile there's a damaging zilch for top-spot pretender Sam Slade (11th), a satisfying zilch for Mark Burgess (76th), and a curious zilch for Martin Foster (47th) who has evidently been persuaded that that luxury holiday in Accra is after all a better place to be than the top 46 of our leader board.

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Frain breaks from tradition and today offers a still sterling - but dare I say it, a totally random and non-topical - effort:

NAÏVE P.A. (SHE DIRTY COW): ‘HARRY! I QUIT, IF LIONEL ATE MY PEAS’

1st July: And the hot news is that Algeria's last minute consolation goal in match 54 against the Germans gives Drew Millin his tenth Red 10 and with it the table leadership, ousting Martin Wakley for the first time since Match Day 5. It's tough at the top, you can't switch off for a moment. Nor indeed can you in 45th where Alice Charlton resides on the sofa of zero-point shame, alongside Jacob Dean (94th).

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Right bang up to date, Michael Frain celebrates today's Gallic victory with a sterling - and dare I say it, topical - effort:

FRANCE HAPPY, WIN THE LOT QUITE EASILY, RIO RAVE IS MAD

Right then Mr Frain, if you really are so clever, I challenge you to do one about a member of Scitech staff (not necessarily a prediction athlete) with, just say, a strange drinking problem and perhaps a body-image issue. There, that should keep him quiet.

2nd July: And the Round of 16 finishes with Martin Wakley having a zero-point mare. All that time spent leading from the front into the headwind must have really taken its toll as he slumps back into 4th, a sad, spent force, with Sam Varga and Rhoda Miles just breezing past. At the bottom whatever the collective noun is for a group of Levred Scouts is (that's probably it!) gathers to discuss the good old days when they weren't quite so near the bottom.

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Well would you Adam and Eve it, Michael Frain rises to yesterday's challenge in epic style with this offering:

AD: I’M PARALYTIC QUENTIN SHARP, LOVER OF EYEWASH. I DIET

OK Smart Alec, I know you're off on holiday to Austria soon. Will you be supplying your daily nonsense from there?

4th July: The updated spreadsheet is uploaded here Players' Predictions. Bizarrely the thing has the late kick off Brazil v Columbia game as Match 57 with the early game of France v Germany as Match 58 so make sure you really know who you should be cheering for in each match.... I can see this leading to some major recriminations coming my way, but such is the lot of a humble competition organiser. All I can say is that if you could have been bothered to get all the scores up until now correct you'd know exactly who you should be supporting anyway from your entry form without me spoon-feeding you the whole time. Some people. Mind you that all pre-supposes that anyone is still awake, I do appreciate that interest wanes rather rapidly after Match Day 1.

So let's see what the Quarter Finals bring us then. However, I fear that still not all is above board with the World Cup, and that indeed one of our very number is further implicated in match fixing. Furthermore it even appears that he is "upping the ante" for the rest of the Broken Lifters with an offer that surely cannot be refused now, even by Martin Foster.

From: Lee Henderson

Subject: RE: World Cup 2014 Competition (Misc Previous Competitors Sub-group!)

Regarding the recent spurt that I notice the Broken Lifters are putting on, I have been tabled another offer by a man from Germany. It’s now been upgraded to a two centre holiday, one week in the Bojo Beach Resort in Accra followed by a further stay at the Badgers Rest Beach Bar and Hotel in Yaoundé, obviously depending on results.

Cheers

Lee

I am as appalled as ever. Probably more so. That the tentacles of a country like Cameroon, a country fondly remembered by me as the topic of the only good book I ever read (The Innocent Anthropologist, Nigel Barley, ISBN 9781577661566, (Leicester Poly...)), that those tentacles should have extended so far as my little competition is frankly devastating. Dramatic pause. Still, faith in mankind shattered or not, we must soldier on.

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Michael Frain is apparently awake and en route to the airport, rising to Wednesday's challenge again in epic style with this offering:

I RETIRE FROM QUEST. WHITE-CAP ALPS HOLIDAY. YA VIENNA!

Wait a minute! You can't retire Michael! Your public need you! And, more's the point, I need something to pack out the breaking news with. Come back at once!

9th July: Well what a night! A devastating shock result leads to tears of agony across much of the football world as any hopes of fairy-tale football success are dashed for another year, replaced by shame and humiliating embarrassment. Yes it's official, Dave Beale will definitely finish behind Spocky now. The ultimate ignominy. Elsewhere, on a night when Red 10s were at something of a premium, Drew Millin doubles his lead at the top over Sam Varga to 4 points courtesy of correctly predicting Brazil to score 1 against Germany, albeit neglecting to mention the 7 in reply, whilst Sam's laughably implausible (now) 2-1 Brazil prediction victory brings no reward whatsoever. Competition stalking horse Rhoda Miles, fresh from getting seven of the eight quarter finalists and all four semi-finalists correct (surely a record?), also didn't reckon on David Luiz's contribution to the evening, but her fluked 2 points mean that Sam better not just be looking upward on the run-in.

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It appears that Michael Frain's current absence from wordplay duties owing to his pressing vacation needs is not entirely unwelcome. Arwyn Hughes has taken the opportunity, like a nervous mouse scurrying past a sleeping cat, of metaphorically tweaking the great man's nose with this heartfelt plea:

OI, MICHAEL FRAIN IV: PLEASE SPARE THE WORDY QUANTITY

Were Michael not currently pre-occupied with daily Sound of Music Experience Tours I imagine there'd be hell to pay. I'd count yourself lucky Arwyn that Hughes has got a G in it.

10th July: Well what a night! An utterly disastrous result at the end of a dull match leads to much grief and hand-wringing throughout a small, football-mad country. And the Netherlands were a bit disappointed too. Yes the drab 0-0 draw presented Spocky the only Red 10 of the day and with it a 20 place rise to the heady heights of 82nd. Blooming irritating. Obviously he had predicted Uruguay to be participating in the match so no cigar, but what an annoyance all the same.

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Michael Frain, ever the professional despite being on holiday, retorts with a "Blue Peter" (ie one he prepared earlier), a development on the Luis Suárez storyline; it appears the Uruguayan carnivore is, following general approbation, taking FIFA's advice and indeed seeking professional help:

VOTE NEWS: “HE’S A DIRTY ANIMAL!”; “I ACQUIRE HELP AT PRIORY”

13th July: So the Netherlands rub salt in the Brazillian wounds in the Third Place Play-off with Sam Varga taking advantage of the fact to draw level at the top with Drew Millin.

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Michael Frain, ever the professional despite being on holiday, foresees the Dutch victory :

WESLEY HAVE A QUIET AMSTEL. PAN-FRY AIR ODOR? A CHIP IN IT!

14th July: And that's it, some people are on the pitch, they think it's all over. Well it is now. Yes, many congratulations to Sam Varga who keeps his cool to become our outright acclaimed winner with 286 points ahead of second place Drew Millin (280) and third place Rhoda Miles (274). At the wrong end of things the plaudits go to Ian Maylin, bottom with 172 points somehow scraped together. Sam Varga's efforts also drag The Ant Twerps over the line in the team competition with the Silvertech Surfers propping up the world. That £10m prize is in the post.

Special mention should go to Martin Wakley who, as the keen-eyed may have noticed, was our noble leader at the end of the group stage before the total randomness of the knock-out phase set in which saw him fall to 6th. A bit of stamina training should see him right next time.

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The other special mention must of course go to Michael Frain, ensconced in Dictionary Corner throughout the competition, barely coming up for air and ever willing to give the world the benefit of his warped mind. His final pronouncement is evidently a snippet of conversation overheard at Harry Ramsden's:

A SQUID SIR? A WHALE? A CLAM? FIN PIE? VERY ROTTEN. OH, PITY

Classic stuff as ever. So long, Mr Frain, and thanks for all the fish.

Toodle Pip!