World Cup 2010 Competition
Breaking News

This little page was reserved for Breaking News and Comment on the competition as and when my enthusiasm came:

26th May: Plenty of Head Scratching at the Competition Nerve Centre as organisers try to remember how on earth everything was done last time.

28th May: Competition Lunch.

29th May: Competition Launch.

30th May: Would you believe it, first entry received before 8.00am from Ian Maylin! Good work son, though judging by the standard no research was involved, just pure human intuition and/or laziness. Has got to be the hot favourite for those very reasons.

31st May: Now up to six entries. That does include three Clayton family entries though (clearly going for the family aggregate "constructors championship"). New Cray II Supercomputer has been ordered to cope.

6th June: Twenty three entries now including efforts from Andrew and Karen Woodland delivered from separate bedrooms I would imagine, judging by the accompanying chirp. Certainly a tussle to watch.

9th June: First Celebrity Comment of 2010 received...

10th June: Sixty Two entries are in and entered in the spreadsheet. Tomorrow the phoney war will be over and the battle proper can commence. Good luck to one and all.

11th June: There's always one isn't there. Except when there's three that is. Three people who think rules are made for others. Rules such as getting your competition entry in on time. Tch. And they've caused my spreadsheet to have to overflow onto another tab. Typical. One was even 2006 winner Mike Walshe, a competition thoroughbred of quite some note, pleading some kind of sob story. Just wait till he tries to win it again this year and the small print gets deployed, then there'll be some proper sobbing.... I must vouch however that our Tardy Trio's efforts were all in before the big kick off. They have a little tab to themselves so we might keep an eye on that.

On to the action proper, and what a complete disaster! Personal joy totally ruined by there also being two Red 10s for Spocky and a share of the lead. Early days I know, but this bodes ill for competition amusement. At the other end of the table there are three non-starters. No need to name and shame just yet, the table says it all. Speaking of the table, you'll see it's got some extra data this year to help with the Donkey Ear awards etc (Number of Red 10s, Correct Match Results and Zero Pointers scored, and the number of times each person has been in 17th place, the "Position of Doom" (alas no one yet)).

It's the big day tomorrow, England vs USA, the day when foolish sentiment may prove some people's undoing. Till then...

“Tessa Sanderson - very funny.
Let me back on the Telly”
Rong Atkinson, Coventry

“I thought you said 'do his knee' not 'time for tea'. Sorry Guv”
Emile Peskey, Coventry

Fabio loses his cool with photographers as he sees them training their long lenses on his competition entry sheet

12th June: It all started so brightly and then disaster struck. Yes, a measly second day 6 points for Matt Thacker drops him from 1st to 10th. Alas, like some implausible Cold War spy novel, those with treasonable intent get rewarded, albeit temporarily, for their actions. Traitor-in-chief Andy Turvil capitalises on Robert Green's fumble (was it due to a brain-freeze beam strategically fired into Mr T's 52 inch Plasma?) to move into top spot. Let's hope he can't sleep tonight, along with the rest of them (we know who you are). The other big scorer for the day is Russell Harvey who has put together the current best run of three consecutive Red 10s before allowing his patriotic nature to get the better of him. At the other end, well two points for the day by Neil Thompson was never going to avoid being pointed out. The big red "-22" says enough. All I can say is that I hope that fiver is well and truly in the SciTech side-bet envelope already.

The other rapidly developing story is just how desperate everybody is to avoid the "17th Place Donkey Ears". Nobody has yet claimed it after any match; we currently have four people teetering on the edge in 18th place - I feel one will surely drop soon. Still plenty without a Red 10 to their name; no particular concern yet, but it will come.

13th June: On the day when ruthless Tutonic efficiency was in evidence again, this was nearly matched by the perfomance of Ian/Claire Woodland whose 22 points for the day ensured a massive 20 position climb in the table to 9th. Elsewhere, Wal 's 18 points ensured a rise of 19 places, leapfrogging stinker-of-the-day brother Kevin who was just happy to get 2 points. At least he'll be pleased he's manged to get under 17th position which has claimed it's first prey including the aforemention Wal, Ray Charlton and early leader on the slide, Matt Thacker. All dipped their toes in but have whipped them back out again ASAP as if it were a scalding bath (not one in a royal palace that is anyway). Numerous other sub-plots going on up and down the table, I'll leave you to have a look at your own, just to say that Andy Turvil still leads the way with an impressive 7 out of 8 correct results to date and a total of 48 points. You sense it's all downhill from here....

14th June: There's cheering in the streets of Middlesborough tonight as Neil Thompson's 6 points for the day lifts him off the bottom of the table, to be replaced by South African entrant Adriaan van der Merwe with a performance worthy even of a UK entry in the Eurovision Song Contest. Big winner on the day is John Walshe. Two days ago he was bottom, today's 22 place rise means he leapfrogs brother Mike and it brings him to the heady heights of 36th.

Amazingly 17th place was miraculously skirted around again today by everyone. After yesterday's light snack it's getting really hungry again now. I fancy a mass capture tomorrow.

15th June: There's cheering in the streets of Sunderland tonight as Neil Thompson's 4 points for the day dumps him straight back to the bottom of the table. But what's this? An astonishing 26 point performance from Jenny Burgess that came from nowhere lifts her a record 31 places to mid-table anonymity. Her B sample is currently being examined, and is frankly not looking very good.

The keen-eyed amongst you would have noticed a couple of late entries that have suddenly appeared in the competition: namely Father and Elder Daughter (in a Robert Robinson "Ask the Family" sort of voice) Adnan and Sara Hasan. Whether we blame Bill Gates or Inbox Myopia Syndrome is frankly irrelevant; the point is that we warmly welcome them aboard now and wish them the very best of luck, this and every day of the competition henceforth (no need to feel threatened anyone, they appear to be just mid-table cannon fodder).

In the SciTech Sweepstake there's a right old tussle going on, with five of the top eight involved, and steady battle-joining progress over recent days from last year's winner Sue Overend meaning that we might yet save on further engraving costs.

Seven people were snaffled by the "17th Position Bog" today but managed to avoid huge public embarrassment by getting out before the end of the day. Frankly I'm getting a bit fed up with it all, I hope the wait is going to be worth it. One side salad that is getting steadily more interesting is the "last one to get a Red 10" game. Well over half the competition entrants have one now, it's time to think about getting concerned if you haven't yet.

14th June - An Apology: An official complaint has been received regarding the lack of news coverage of the top of the table yesterday, and the central charge of False Modesty has been upheld by the Press Complaints Commission. In one's defence, one has never been the sort to blow one's own Vu Vu Zela. However, I can assure you that had that Paraguan goalkeeper not done a Robert Green and gifted the Italians an equaliser you would never had heard the last of it as I think I was the only one who had Paraguay down to win. But they didn't.

16th June: Well, well, well. What a day. Received Spanish footballing wisdom is turned on its head meaning that things are getting really tight now with just 50 points separating the top 67 in the table. Big loser on the day Tim Churchill chose the wrong game to break from the pack, tipping Honduras to pull off that shock win over Chile safe in the knowledge that the feted Spaniards would provide the easy points. It's tough at this level and the scoreboard never forgets. Winner on the day Karen Woodland still has some work to do to overhaul Andrew, but we can just imagine the conversations going on through the serving hatch. Meanwhile Sue Overend, having belatedly acclimatised to the altitude, really is on the charge. The HT Dad's competition is, despite there being some money on it, yet to really come alive. Perhaps email IOUs don't elicit the same response as actually seeing the cash in an envelope (which has the SciTech entrants thrashing around like Piranhas with a rotting carcass). That said, a good day for Daves Clarke & Carter has just started to put the pressure on Jes, but I think it may be some time yet before they can really say they are over the Moon.

In the family stakes there are creditable performances indeed coming in from the Foggos North of the Border. You feel that young Andrew just needs a "wee Archie Gemmill moment" to really kick start things, but there are already plenty of Burgesses, Diproses, Irwins & Dudgeons floundering in his wake. Mind you, a "big Jim Leighton moment " could yet sort all that out (not that we can talk).

More nonsense tomorrow...

17th June: Well, well, well. What a day. Received Gallic footballing wisdom is turned on its head etc etc... France's demise, Greece's first ever win at this level and Argentina's 4-1 thrashing of South Korea meant that Red 10s were in short supply. It was really a day for the football "enthusiast". You know, the sort of person who says "I don't mind which team wins, I just like to see a good game", who has hopped on the Barcelona bandwagon ("that Nessi, he's brilliant you know"), and makes a point of memorizing the last one-way football conversation they had with a taxi driver, in order to regurgitate the bigoted nonsense verbatim as their own at the first opportunity to try to appear knowledgeable and one of the lads. So let's see who got over 8 points today? Well star of the day is clearly Graham South who manages to buck his surname for a day at least by getting all three results correct including a Greek Red 10. Might he be ruing his refusal to join the SciTech sweep? Not if he's got any sense.

Just below on the day (but no more knowledgeable for that) it's... Twinnie! His 18 points leapfrog him into joint top spot would you believe. Slow-burner Judith Bell shows husband Steve a thing or two about escape velocity from the bottom of the table (an escape tunnel would appear Steve's only hope) and there's good progress too from Alison Rogers, Jane Scarratt and Chris Dudgeon. Now let's see, which other "enthusiast" did well? Mmmm.... David Jackson! Clearly he's the exception to the enthusiast rule, a Greek Red 10 capped a stunning performance in every way from this SciTech MD with career-limiting powers. Worryingly, Mrs B had another good day; the builders are coming to fit the serving hatch tomorrow.

So it's England again tomorrow, and word from my sources within the England camp is that we're likely to change formation and elect to play a goalkeeper this time, but we await formal confirmation of course. As a word of warning however, please try not to get yourself lynched in the local pub as you cheer the Algerian equaliser in search of a personal Red 10 over national despair. Obviously we would all understand fully, but things might be a little difficult to explain to the big-screen bigots.

18th June: Correspondent rendered speechless.... Other than to observe Sue Overend's relentless progress, really putting that footballing apathy to good use. But what's this in 33rd place? It's winner on-the-day and keen patriot Mark Burgess who revelled in England's plight to notch his first Red 10 since the opening match, but more to the point there's a Woodland family trio locked together in mortal combat. Who's going to tell Rex and Janet the reason for the stony silence at the family lunch on Sunday? Impressive recent work from Alison Rogers lifts her to second place, perhaps her famous "Lucky Liverpool Scarf" is not so unlucky after all.

19th June: It wasn't a nightmare after all. Arrgghh!

After a bit of expert one-on-one tuition to explain the operation of the Scoring System, Dave Fox finally gets the hang of it and responds with an impressive 26 points and a leap of 19 places up to 4th. This is effortlessly matched though by Stuart McDonald (he of Euro 96-winning fame), and, Adriaan van der Merwe who's evidently finally put down his vu vu zala and concentrated a bit more on the real game at hand.

20th June: It had to happen. Days of competition leadership (front running into a headwind for most of it too) has taken its toll on our valiant long-term leader, and finally manifested itself via some extremely fuzzy thinking into an embarrassing zilch on the day. The chasing hyenas in the Peloton totally fail to acknowledge the debt of gratitude they owe as they sweep past, yelping and gnashing. Our new joint leaders are the Liverpool-supporting duo of Alison Rogers and David Jackson, AKA "Ali & The Pacemaker" (....best I could do in the five hours available).

Special mention to Barry Braine and Judith Bell who both correctly called Italy's draw with New Zealand (are you both completely mad?). On the pitch, what with all the European power-houses imploding in turn like a Euro currency crisis domino effect, the week of reckoning is upon us.

"World Cup winning immortality? Nah, those Woodland boys pay top dollar"
Robert Green, Rustenberg Airport Departure Lounge, Quick Please.

The great FIFA "Ambush Marketing" scandal. The accused pleads his case...

"They're all cousins on my mother's side. Let me back on the Telly"
Robber Earle, Green Room Side Exit, Quick March.

21st June: An incredible day of footballing goings on. Forget that nonsense on the pitch (7-0, who cares?), and even those tedious news conferences; we're talking the Competition Leader Board. With Alison "David Bedford" Rogers pushed to the front, the chasing pack of highly-toned, testosterone-enhanced male athletes, and, as Alan Partridge would have it, "the soft fair waif-like moist creatures who you find in ladies' sports; please don't write in saying that's sexist - it's not", are positively tripping over each others' sharpened running spikes to stay in contention. David Jackson's brief flirtation with top spot was short-lived, a fall surely more painful than the one he incurred on Friday night whilst out celebrating his 2 points from the England draw. Indeed he's now been left behind, flapping helplessly like a spent salmon in the shallows after spawning, whilst ahead a hideously clear trend is emerging....

Now we all know the future is female, no one in their right mind would argue otherwise. But it's all going a bit far now. The last bastion of maleness, the final line over which "they" shall not cross, is, my friends, in mortal danger. Spouting footballing nonsense in the office environment, in an authoritative manner without any sense of embarrassment, must remain an exclusively male preserve. If not, we men shall lose our soul, lose our identity, lose our very raison d'etre. Look at the evidence of our plight. Forget the fact that Alison Rogers is, as we know, ploughing down the back straight in the lead. Now we've got SciTech secretaries Sue Overend and suddenly Laura Grimes too breaking cover at the top. Whilst we men squabble like ferrets in a sack, Fabio Capello this, Wayne Rooney that, the real enemy mobilises and out-manoeuvres us by actually getting things right. Do you not see it? Can you not sense it? But it gets worse. Not only is SciTech affected, but Silvertech too. Jane Scarratt sounded all very nice when she sent in her spreadsheet "just to have go", but now look. John Irwin, Roger Frampton, Matt Micale, floundering like fools behind her feminine intuition. If you too could have been a professional player but for that torn cartilage from Pottsie's reckless sliding challenge in the fourth form, then please take up this clarion call. Concentrate. Don't be distracted. Score points for your gender. Reclaim your birthright. Or forever be silent in the office on Friday afternoon.... Thank you.

Now the keen-eyed amongst you may have noticed a new arrival in the competition. Our happy family has grown to 68 with the submission of a completed entry spreadsheet from Neil Thompson's daughter Jenny. With the competition arriving at its half way zenith you might be rightly thinking that surely some petty minor rule may have been infringed here. Well just to reassure you, advanced carbon-dating techniques have revealed that her spreadsheet was indeed completed sometime in the third millenium and it has thereby passed the strict criteria laid down for entry. Welcome aboard Jenny, you appear to be well capable of making a fool out of Dad.

22nd June: Forty juicy points are up for grabs for the next few days, this is the time the real pretenders should make their move. And do they. Stuart McDonald (he of Euro 96-winning fame) bursts to the top with two Red 10s on the day, but you feel this stamina-sapping exertion will eventually take its toll. Also on the charge are Andy Turvil, David Foggo and Rhoda Miles, and not forgetting Kevin West - now up to 22nd and in real nose-bleed country. Another West on the move is Harvey-Boy. Apparently content to dibbly-dobbly around 17th position for most of the competition thus far, he was evidently stirred by yesterday's appeal and has decided that attack is the best form of defence. Good man.

And what's this at the bottom? Dave Beale - having appeared since Day 6 to be the foundered camel of the competition, doomed to watch the caravan slowly disappear over the distant sand dunes, with only a mournful yet silently stoic look in his unblinking eye for company - well this dromedary has only gone and woken up. Obviously his first Red 10 was never going to be enough to rejoin society, but from such acorns, giant competition-winning oaks do grow. Plus of course he's off the hook now in the great "Who's last to get a Red 10" competition, a contest currently featuring Claytons of various hues, Barry Dolman, Karen Black and The Thompson Twins. In short, the usual suspects. I think we certainly need to keep tabs on this situation going forward....

Sven celebrates his two points for predicting North Korea to beat Portugal 8-7

23rd June: Forget the boring football, did anyone watch that tennis? Absolutely incredible it was. The skill, concentration and persistence of those two guys in managing to keep straight faces whilst deliberately eeking out the match for the record books was quite something to behold. Fifty Nine-all in the final set. I ask you. How much Barley Water can two grown men drink? McEnroe was completely taken in by it all, but you could tell that Inverdale knew exactly what was going on but was just too polite to call it.

Back to the football and Jermain Defoe's shin pad sets up a clash with the old enemy. Regarding our leader board, and as suspected Stuart McDonald (he of Euro 96-winning fame) pauses to draw breathe and is trampled underfoot as the herd sweep on with unseemly haste. A topsy turvey day ends with yet another member of the Merseyside Mafia atop the table. This time it's paid-up member of the Croxteth Posse Dave "Points" Fox, with Falkirk Flyer Andrew Foggo leading the second place trio. Winner on the day is Andy Mallett with 32 points and a 19 place rise, leaving Chris Dudgeon now in last place in the Leicester Poly old-boys stakes. And what's this again? Dave "Bactrian" Beale zipping up the field Lazarus-style with a full 26 points on the day. Mid-table anonymity now surely awaits. Alas the same can't be said of Everton-supporting Tim Churchill who currently supports the pack, although, being a valued SciTech client, he has been issued with a 50 point "Community Chest" card that can be played when required to avoid embarrassment all round. I am just checking however to see if a similar "Chance" card also exists.

Stuart McDonald (he of Euro 96-winning fame) - An Apology: Here at competition HQ we always welcome your feedback, good or bad, unless it's bad. Alas I have to report that an official complaint has been received regarding my continual reference to Stuart McDonald (he of Euro 96-winning fame) as being the winner of our Euro 96 competition. I have been asked by an anonymous competition veteran to check my records, as this person's memory is that they were "somewhere very near the top of the table" in that our inaugural snail-mail based competition. As I replied with withering sincerity, you could have checked things yourself via the Archive Page where everything is captured for posterity, without embarrassing yourself so openly. Upon reflection, I find it both touching and gratifying that someone would care so much that they were done out of their correct representation in a passing reference to a 14-year-old guessing game, but then this competition does do funny things to people, as I indeed know myself. So to conclude, any other feedback that people might like to send in will be treated with similar respect, dignity and total confidence. We welcome your views ®

Back to the analysis and finally finally finally we have some 17th Place merchants, resplendent in their boggy brown. Everyday before now we've had them nearly snared only for the lemmings to jump out the way at the last minute like precocious kids on Mike Read's Runaround. Quite what we're going to do about it now we've got them I've no idea but I guess Oliver West, Andy Martin, Gareth Roblin and Russell Harvey should consider themselves publically humiliated. Being just 2 points below, Sue Overend and Rhoda Miles (she of Euro 96-co-winning fame) should count themselves very lucky.

In the Red 10 competition, things are hotting up with Tom Clayton and Uncle Malcolm both stung into action by the threat of public humiliation, Australia & Serbia's 2-1 scoreline making them safe. Now it's down to just five possibles for the donkey ears....

24th June: One feels it could have been a decisive day as Alison Rogers' two Red 10s and 24pts take her 10 points clear. It's certainly hers to lose now. But then that's what we thought regarding Spocky after Day 1, and where is he now? I'll tell you where: 50th. Proof, if proof were needed, that cream rises, it's good to see this Hemel-based entrant on the skids again in time-honoured fashion and demonstrating that Germany 2006 was indeed a mere statistical blip in an otherwise appalling record. Winners on the day were Matthew Burgess and James West from the younger generation and what with Jack Clayton also scoring highly it just proves that this is a young man's game now. Speaking of Jack, he took the opportunity to bag his first Red 10 (and then made it two) as did Jenny Thompson leaving just Barry Dolman, Neil Thompson and Karen Black in contention for those special ears.

Elsewhere there are private duels going on all over the park. There's mid-table rucking between the respective Walshe and Bennett brothers, you feel they'll all suffer for it in the end. Alas I can't blame such distractions as Tim Churchill is stung into action in the relegation zone. Ian Maylin is certainly making a play for the lowest Therfield Old-Boy cup, that run of four consecutive zeros will be very hard to beat. As for the Woodland trio who were all cosy together yesterday, well Karen's made a dash for it. Can Andrew respond or will he have a grumpy Drogba-esque expression on for the next 4 years?

As we approach the end of the group stages it would appear that some people mistakenly think that their skill and judgement in predicting Italy and France to get knocked out will be somehow rewarded in the second phase as "their" teams of Mexico and Paraguay are playing instead. May I refer anyone labouring under this misapprehension that the necessary Excel programming couldn't possibly be entertained, and to refer to point 2 on the Serious Page for info.

29th June: It started with an awful premonition on Friday rendering me dumb-struck. It continued with the build-up on Saturday. It indeed came to pass. Two days of official mourning since have not lessened the pain, nor loosened the tongue. Until now.

Yes the prospect of Andy "Tottenham" Turvil running off with the spoils in our little competition has indeed hit me hard. But enough is enough. We must be strong. We must re-gather. We must hope against hope that out of despair something good might come of it.

Just look at the facts. Mr T cleans up with 20 points for Saturday's so-called "Round of 16" matches (what's wrong with "Octet Finals" for goodness sake?) to go back joint top despite his confident assertion that the matches would be between France & Greece and Slovenia & Australia, all of whom actually had an early bath of course. Where's the justice in that? I would say you all knew what you were letting yourselves in for, it was all clearly explained in the small print; but judging by all the daft questions, apparently most of you didn't. Just couldn't be bothered to read it could you? Just assumed that some sort of natural justice would prevail, all delivered on a plate for you. Well I'm sorry. Genuinely I am. I'm sorry because this slight "feature" has really stymied my recent attempts to hawk the competition franchise round the internet as the must-play game of Brazil 2014. The Johnny at Sportingbet.com did to be fair give me due consideration, but then said of the Andy Turvil scenario that "to reward an undeserving punter for their total and utter ignorance would be contrary to our established gambling model, especially if that punter supports Spurs", whereas Paddy Power himself said "if you don't stop filling up my inbox with your link I'll get one of my friends to sort you out" (don't be fooled by that jolly persona he presents on TalkSPORT) before offering me a free £10 bet, which was nice.

But enough of all that. What has been going on while I have been availing myself of my page-topping get-out clause? Well forget all that nonsense going on at the top of the table, we have our first winner!! Yes, step forward Karen Black, last to get a Red 10! Only left hanging for one day on Friday 25th but plenty long enough to earn those soft, grey, flea-ridden Donkey Ears that will be dropping through her letter box someday soon. Also on 25th, John Irwin bagged 30 points and 19th place in a real break with form, the 26th saw Andy Turvil's stunning work matched only by Alexander Diprose from his cot, whilst 27th was notable for Andy Woodland's 8 point gain on Karen, added to on 28th with a further 6 point gain to leapfrog her into the family lead (why won't he just give up now - it's the hope that kills you), while 29th sees Neil Thompson wrestle back bottom spot again in a real ding dong battle for bragging rights down there. One constant theme of recent days is the continuing demise of Spocky, curiously not helped by the competition entering its random phase, now down into 58th. However, time is starting to run out for others in the vicinity, with Donkey Ears currently earmarked (get it?) for Terry Bennett and Steve Bell, two people who will truly understand the ignominy of defeat by Spock - we must each of us will them to fight to overcome the shame and social stigma this would surely cause. Come on lads!

30th June: At last, a day without football. We can draw breath a little and relax. But twenty four hours is all it takes. The game whose lustre had dulled, whose appeal had evaporated, the game whose beautiful face had suddenly developed a great big wart on its nose just a few short days ago (16.28 on 27th June, 2010 to be precise) now doesn't seem so bad after all. After that fateful moment I must admit to letting certain "thoughts" cross my mind. Yes, I have erred. I have flirted with the idea of rugby, I have mentally undressed basketball, and yes, I even went to far as making a pass at lacrosse (slapped down rather painfully). And yet despite everything, I think football, that comfortable old sofa, has won me back. The first stirrings started when that Japanese player smacked his penalty onto the crossbar. It's not just Chrissy "honesty old England pro" Waddle who can achieve this, but proper players from other countries too apparently - quite a revelation. The flame of love was rekindled by the sight of the oily Ronaldo with tears welling up in his eyes after that Iberian clash ended in Portuguese heartbreak. Who could resist? Full consummation will of course only be assured when that certified man-hugger Maradonna is blubbing like a baby (albeit at the cost of further Tutonic advancement - true love requires both give and take you know), but what a honeymoon that will be (best stop this here now - Ed).

Following on from yesterday, the hot news today is that William Hill have been on thanking me for my interest in their company and saying that they don't currently have any vacancies for cleaning staff but that they will keep my CV on record. Things are certainly moving in the right direction now I feel.

On the competition front, there's not been a lot of development since yesterday so it's a case of make your own fun I suppose. I am here indebted to one Malcolm Clayton for some unsolicited feedback. He got in touch following the completion of the group stage games wanting to know if he had got the best record in terms of predicting which teams got through from each group. He'd even sorted out a scoring system to judge the matter bless him, with, let's call them "Malcolm Points" distributed thus: Qualifying team from a group in correct place = 2 Malcom Points, Qualifying team from a group not in right place = 1 Malcolm Point (eg if your entered predictions spreadsheet showed England progressing as Group C runners up then that's 2MPs; if you had us as group winners then that's just 1MP). He seemed to think his personal score of 19MPs out of a possible 32 would be competitive. Frankly I think the clue is in the competition table and 44th doesn't inspire me with confidence on his behalf, but that said, it is certainly a gauntlet thrown down. Malcolm seemed surprised that I couldn't just run the "Malcolm's Whim" Excel macro to confirm his superiority over all-comers in this, suddenly the "proper competition". Well alas I can't, but I am prepare to ask anyone who thinks they may be a potential winner (certainly over 19MPs please) to contact me at the traditional address of football@whitewey.co.uk with a view to getting your name in lights. As ever, "We welcome your views ^® ."

1st July: Another day without any footballing action. I have new respect for those TalkSPORT presenters. How on earth they fill an entire close season I've no idea. Well I have actually, of course they wheel in the likes of Paddy Power to spout forth, complete with his false bonhomie, something I have certainly discounted doing (since asking him for a quote just now and getting a right mouthful anyway).

So where are we? Well the hot news is that we have a new winner of the Group Stage competition! Yes it's Andy Martin who claims victory with 21 Malcom Points!! Furthermore, because this represents the really skilful element of the competition (without the "uneven pitch" of the knock-out phases) I hereby pronounce Mr Martin to be the winner of the whole thing and as such all side bets are to be paid out in his direction.... What's that? No, no, stop that. No bleating please. Oh? You want to work out your own Malcom Points, you didn't realise it was so important , you want some of that financial action. Right, well you better get on with it then. The crown is levitating above Andy's temples even as we speak and he's bobbing up on tippy-toes trying to claim it, but I do sense a small window of opportunity for a spoiler candidate to come in yet and upset the coronation....

Elsewhere, yet more hot news. This morning I received what I considered to be a particularly aggressive email from BETFRED.com, the self-proclaimed "bonus king". To my mind it was a poorly constructed affair with somewhat simplistic sentences, a crude use of adverbial clauses, a complete absence of any supine or pluperfect constructs etc etc, but, to be fair, I thought the underlying message was fairly evident. How wrong was I? Now I am just a humble internet competition organiser, and content so to be, but I have quickly realised there's a whole business world out there I know nothing of. Consequently, I am indebted to a close acquaintance of many years' standing whose advice and friendship I value greatly, one who has lent me the benefit of his vast business experience, a knowledge gained primarily in the fast-moving stencil-board industry. This friend has indeed opened my eyes to the subtleties of business negotiation and deal making. I won't identify him because I wouldn't want to compromise his natural modesty (I shall refer to him henceforth only as "Friend S", rather like the protagonist in some unfortunate trial grabbing the media's attention), but this friend, who it seems is no stranger to such emails himself, has provided me with the correct interpretation of matters. In my innocent foolishness I took the sentence "if you prostitute your silly idea for an internet-based guess-the-score-competition that only occurs once every four years or possibly two dependant upon public demand to us once more we shall be forced to consider taking vigorous legal action against you for harassment", well I have to say I took it somewhat negatively. Obviously their loss, I'm the Beatles, they're EMI etc etc, but certainly no room for doubt in my mind. No doubt that is until enter Friend S. Apparently the absence of any actual writ being hammered into my front door is key here. I am informed that mere legal threats, especially when accompanied by the trigger word "vigorous", in fact betray the opening stance in an complex business courtship destined to end in a six figure "development" contract with substantial licensing and image rights possibilities too if I play my cards right. Apparently it's a process not dissimilar to a marriage proposal in a Jane Austen novel where, to spare blushes and maintain the necessary modesty all round, an elaborate dance of initial rejection is played out, inviting the suitor to come back again and again with additional interest before final undying love can be declared amongst the rhododendrons. Or, in crude modern parlance, they're playing hard to get. Consequently, on the advice of Friend S I have therefore "played the game" and sent another email to Mr Fred, this time stressing with fortuitous timing the virtues of the "Malcolm Points" element of the competition which I am sure will now swing things, but I'll keep you all posted.

Incidentally, also on the advice of Friend S (and on the back of my impending contract), I have made a down-payment deposit on a 1994 Opel Corsa 1.2 Firefly with alloy wheels.

Now I believe we will have some football tomorrow, won't that be good....?

2nd - 10th July: Struck mute.

11th July: Well that's it. Many congratulations must go to our 2010 joint winners, Andy Turvil, Adam Carter and Gareth Roblin! With luck like that they're all in for easy lives henceforth.

I must apologise for the lack of commentary in the competition closing stages. One day, from the comfort of some luxury mansion in the Bahamas perhaps, I shall write the full history of recent proceedings. Just to say, my recent silence has been due to a news blackout imposed on me by a late suitor in the race for the 2014 competition syndication rights, namely BETNIGERIA.COM (you heard the name first here). We have had a rather "delicate" negotiation period and I still cannot say too much now as the proverbial I's are still to be dotted and T's to be crossed (in essence I'm hanging out for 0.2% of any product endorsement contracts that might occur) but suffice it to say I have remortgaged the house to send the nice men the £100,000 that will then enable them to send me £101,000 that I can then use to really develop this website, start proper advertising etc etc. Be assured that in all this I shall never forget you, my family of original punters. You, with me at the start before the viral-marketed internet phenomena that the nice men from BETNIGERIA.COM have assured me of makes it big. Yes how can I forget you? I'm afraid however I sharn't be able to offer you any discount on the newly-introduced entry fee next time, the figures simply don't allow it, but still I shall never forget you.

"This is the mistake, the wery big mistake. John Terry... 'e never knew I needed Englanda to draw 0-0 with Algeri".
Don Fabio, Concrete Boots Avenue, Grudgeville

"His very big mistake was letting me see he'd predicted Slovenia to score"
John "Flying Fish" Terry, Mad Mermaid Yard, Masters Avenue, Grudgeville-Back, Rolfe

The Hand of God is finally put to good use....

....as Maradona acknowledges it's now time to take up crochet.

A mystery competitor claims to have got 22 Malcolm Points....

....but there's concern when a re-count is demanded....

....turning to shame and anguish when he is exposed as a simple drugs cheat